Sometimes we so admire the beauty we see in others that we don’t see what’s beautiful about ourselves.
I’m not talking about physical attributes here, although that happens too… I mean our innate strengths and personality traits. As a fairly analytical person in a creative field this is something I constantly struggle with… like a hobbit wishing to be an elf.
This week I was planning to blog about reframing adventure, but after listening to the She Percolates podcast about self doubt I decided to write this post first.
Earlier last year, I had an especially strong wave of this type of self doubt, when I took Sally Hogshead’s Fascinate test. I’d seen her on Marie Forleo and loved the idea that we all have our own secret sauce that fascinates others.
That is… until I got THE MOST BORING RESULTS EVER.
I was The Ace.*
Tireless, Decisive and Goal Oriented.
Perfect traits for my previous role as a Stage Manager in professional theatre, but decidedly less wondersome for pursing my own creativity as a storyteller, photographer & filmmaker. It made me question the move from organizing other creatives to creating work of my own.
It happened all over again doing homework for April Bowles-Olin’s blogging class. Asking my friends about my strengths I was similarly disenchanted with the results…
- Organization
- Self Motivation
- Dependability
- Focus
- Attention to Detail
- Patience
- Loyalty
- Creativity
- Kindness
(One person threw Creativity in there, but it almost felt like I was being tossed a bone.)
Fast forward several months… I’d continued shoving these feelings of inadequacy down determined to pursue my creative path in spite of them and found myself flying cross country to Creative Live. (Turns out one of my other traits as The Ace is “a relentless pursuit of what you believe in.”)
Serendipitously I ended up with Kris with a K as my roomie.
One evening I confided to Kris that I was disappointed with my interview results. After all, who wants to read an adventure blog by someone who is dependable?
And then (cause Kris with a K is magic like that) she reframed what I was secretly ashamed of into something I could see value and potential in.
She said I was Samwise Gamgee.
Kris spoke directly into to my little geeky heart.
Now, to be honest, I prefer Gandalf with his mystique and gnarled magical staff.
I always choose to play a wizard in fantasy games. (Yep, I play Dungeons & Dragons… you got a problem with that?)
I see now that I wanted to be the wizard in real life too… someone mysterious and alluring. But I’m much more straightforward than than. More hobbit-like.
So while I wouldn’t have chosen to be Samwise, neither can I dismiss him. I can see his worth. Without Sam, Frodo never would have made it to Mordor.
Even Dean Winchester gives him a pass. †
I’d be lying if I said I’d immediately fallen in love with all of my dependable qualities, but I’m making a real effort to embrace my inner Samwise. So you might notice a few more hobbit holes around these parts.
Because I know there’s a strength to being dedicated and organized and hard working. And I never wanted to be the adventurer jumping out of airplanes and visiting every country in the world. I want to help you see the beauty in the ordinary and the adventure in the everyday.
That is very Samwise of me. He was a gardener after all.
When I went back and looked at my homework assignment with fresh eyes I saw that my friend had actually said I was wonderfully creative. And another described me as quietly adventurous during our time in Greece.
It’s all in how we frame it, and the compliments we allow ourselves to see and accept.
This week I dug back into my Tolkien books and films to “research”. And I fell in love with this quote (from this scene) in the Fellowship of the Ring film.
I love that sentiment.
Because you don’t need to go mountain climbing to have adventure in your life. There’s so much to celebrate in the simple beauty of the everyday and viewing each new morning as the start of a fresh adventure.
If you’re feeling self doubt about your own strengths I encourage you to seek out a friend who can help you see them as they do.
Let’s muddle through this together and jump in even if we’re feeling doubtful.
Because we don’t give up.
What are your struggles with self doubt? Let’s open up a real dialogue. If anyone comes along and tries to judge you I’ll drub them across the head with my garden shovel.
Cheers,
Sarah
* Update 2025: This is kind of funny considering how I now identify as Ace.
† Dean Winchester quoting Samwise Gamgee in the show Supernatural.
