Since then the world has become a much scarier place for me and for my friends in the queer community. I’ll share some resources at the bottom of this post for allies to lend their support this month.
But this post isn’t for the allies.
This one is for the queers.
I’m stepping out the comfort zone of educating others to revel in some queer joy.
This month I made a very playful and joyous zine. It celebrates queer artists whose work has impacted me in a profound way.
Here are links to everything I mentioned inside it.
Transgender Education Network of Texas (TENT) is the largest statewide, BIPOC trans-led, trans-focused policy, education, and advocacy organization in the state of Texas.
* The pins pictured are a combination of photographs from my personal collection and images of vintage protest pins found online. I’ve linked their sources here.
Imagine standing in front of your parents or peers and “coming out” as straight.
You spent months collecting evidence and crafting a tightly woven narrative.
Maybe you even prepare to explain what exactly straightness is.
That sounds ridiculous doesn’t it?
But we still expect queer and genderqueer people to do this.
What if we didn’t assume hetero presenting couples were straight?
What if we didn’t assume our kids were straight?
What if we didn’t assumewe ourselves were straight?
What if straight and cis were not the cultural default?
Imagine space to discover for yourself who you are…
What self expression feels aligned?
Who do you feel a connection to?
What type of relationships would you like to nurture in your life?
I’m queer and genderqueer.
To be more specific: I’m ace, nonbinary, and bi-romantic. (Updated: 6/26)
And, you know what?
I’m not taking questions today.
I’m still reflecting on how my nonbinary identity intersects with neurodivergence and parenthood.
Down the road I’ll be writing more about that, but for today I am just saying…
I am.
This isn’t something new.
It is new language for an old thing.
I’ve spent a year trying to craft a narrative to hold your hand through this. I wanted to be understood. I wanted to change the hearts of anyone who felt hateful or judgmental. I wanted to say all the right things the right way in one tidy post.
But then I realized… that’s not my job.
I’m not suddenly your queer educator.
I’m new to this community. I’m still learning myself.
If you are confused or curious and want to learn more about gender I recommend this brilliant podcast with Alok Vaid-Menon. You can also follow them on Instagram.
We need visibility now more than ever.
I’m doing this for every queer and trans kid who doesn’t feel safe to do so.
I know sharing this is going to run some people off. I’ve noticed that people have a tendency to assume my values align with theirs. For what it’s worth, our family’s church is LGBTQ+ affirming. We have been for 5 years.
When I first wrote this post I had paragraphs and paragraphs dedicated to the people who would disapprove. I deleted it all and wrote a cheeky footnote instead. 😂
Setting Boundaries
I am not inviting debate, disagreement, or criticism today.
You are free to leave without announcing yourself.
I am not your queer educator. If you are confused please listen to the podcast episode linked above.
If you can’t say something kind don’t say anything at all.
Whatever your faith or values I hope we can agree that humans should be treated with kindness and respect.
To say that I’m a rainbow 🌈
I’m not sure I got the tone quite right, but any other tone would be inauthentic. I’m convicted to share this, but if I’m also feeling nervous.
If you have the time I’d love for you to listen to this wistful, hopeful song by queer and genderqueer artist dodie clark. I find it resonates on so many levels including how I experience the world as an autistic person.
.
I was brought up in a line But I seem to walk in circles It’s getting hard to navigate When every map was never made for me And I thought it would feel good To understand why I was different But my title just talks over me I never even asked to be this way
But to say that I’m a rainbow To tell me that I’m bright When I’m so used to feeling wrong Well, it makes me feel alright
Rainbow by dodie
My pronouns are they/them.
It may feel awkward at first, but you probably use a singular they without even thinking about it.
Imagine you saw a car run a red light, but you didn’t know who was driving.
You would say, “They just ran a red light!”
If you don’t know any other genderqueer people please practice using they/them with me.
I would also ask that you not refer to me as woman, lady, girl, miss, or ma’am.
If you slip up the best practice is the same thing you would do if you called your child by the wrong name. Correct it and move on. You don’t have to make a big deal about it. Just restate what you meant to say and keep going. It’s really okay. Everyone mixes up language sometimes. We appreciate the effort.
If you are questioning or closeted my inbox is always open. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
I don’t have all the answers, but I’m happy to hold space and be a safe person for you now or in the future. ❤️
footnotes
* I deleted everything I wrote about growing up as an evangelical preacher’s kid and decided to post this song instead. 😂
At the time of writing this we were attending an Episcopal church, but we are now members of Good Shepherd Lutheran (locally known as “the gay church”).
** My original post had they/she pronouns and didn’t include bi-romantic. I’ve updated those to avoid confusion.
