Not long ago, I got tunnel vision on admin for my creative work and wasn’t allowing myself time for joy.
I’m not sure how it is for neurotypicals, but for autistic people (and neurodivergent humans more broadly), our interests are a very powerful tool for regulation. Times when I made didn’t make time for autistic joy were dangerous for my mental health and I went to a very dark place.
Allowing myself to do things that are “just” for pure joy has been very hard to do in my adult life. Mainstream culture is always pressing us to be productive, to monetize our interests, and to start side hustles.
Creative work often comes with a large helping of screen based admin that is more draining than life giving. I try to keep things in balance, but it has been a LOT of computer time during book launch.
So WoT Con could not have come at a better time.
Leaving behind my responsibilities to be a hard core fan freak for a week is so life giving. I hung out with my WoT friends, we sang together, we ate together, we paraded around in costumes, and we stayed up talking til 2 or 3 in the morning.*
(I’m seriously questioning at this point if I am even introverted, or just drained by normies. I am seriously hyped!!)
While I was at WoT Con, I also had the chance to show the How it Feels to Me proof to nearly 100 people, many of whom read it cover to cover. There’s nothing like placing your art in someone’s hands and seeing their face light up.
It was low key the best launch party an author could ask for. 😭
I’m more excited than ever to get these books out to you and to schedule some book tour events. (I’m taking launch VERY slowly due to my chronic illnesses, but it is proving very difficult to pace myself when I am so excited.)
Meanwhile Gracie has been hard at work formatting each edition (we have FIVE!) and we will start fulfilling orders next week. We have fewer than 10 signed bookplates left so if you want one of those be sure to order a hardcover ASAP.
If you preordered and have not confirmed your address now is the time to do so. I need you to use the official form so I have everything in one place, but if you can’t find the form please let me know.
There was a time I thought that being “professional” meant niching myself down and cutting away all the weird parts of me.
But it turns out those are my best bits.
Allowing myself to be louder about my interests has helped me make deeper friendships and be more authentic in my life.
Whatever you love, it deserves to take up space.
If you’re reading this by email hit reply and let me know what gives you neurodivergent joy. 💫
Cheers,
P.S. I’ve hidden a great serpent ring somewhere on my website as part of my cabinet of curiosities. It is a photograph of a silver ring and it is on one of my main website pages – not a blog post. If you find it send me an email and I’ll send you a surprise via snail mail. Once I finish book launch maybe I’ll finish hiding the rest of the curiosities.
FOOTNOTES
* Yes, we are still going strong even after the show was cancelled. This fandom has been around since before the show and it will continue long after. I’ve written about Wheel of Time fandom before. If you want to hear more about it you can read my posts tagged #wheeloftime.
** Which is a measure against self publishing bias.
I have a love hate relationship with the children’s museum. The exhibits are so cool and interactive. But the acoustics are difficult and when there are large groups of children it can quickly become very overstimulating.
This week we noticed a lot people seemed to be out of town on vacation. So we tried the science museum – only to find a large group of summer campers.
This creates a lot of sensory input.
Visually tracking darting children in bright matching t shirts
Auditory overload with overlapping screams and noises
Tactile overload from being brushed against and overheated
Social overwhelm from taking in the complex social dynamics in a large group
Because the overstimulation is whole body experience noise cancelling headphones alone don’t usually seem to help.
But last week a friend in Australia mailed me a Vibrant Hummingbird Sensory pendant created by a neurodivergent family to help regulate overstimulated nervous systems.
When I pressed the button I noticed an immediate calming effect on my nervous system.
But I also knew I was lucky to be holding it.
I spent weeks looking for a similar product in the US and couldn’t find one.
When I got home from the museum I emailed Vibrant Hummingbird asking if it would be possible to stock the sensory pendants for US customers on my author website. And they said yes! So…
I’m taking preorders on my website!
I don’t usually sell other people’s products, but I wanted more people to have access to this support tool. We hope this collaboration helps more people access Vibrant Hummingbird Pendants at an affordable cost.
Both neurodivergent folks and professionals alike have told us how much this book resonated with them.
Here are some of the highlights!
Are you a teacher?
We are seeking additional reviews from K-12 educators. If you’d like to read the book and potentially write a blurb please reach out. Thanks to the art teachers who already have!
That’s all for today! Gracie & I are busy at work on the next proof integrating beta reader feedback and copy edits. We’re on track to finish the book by late summer.
If you haven’t preordered yet you still can.
You can also donate a book to a library or school.
I’m an autistic adult with hypermobillity (recently diagnosed with hEDS) and home educating parent of an autistic child. I’ve experienced pain with handwriting my whole life and thought it was normal or my fault for holding the pen “wrong” when my joints are actually genetically different and need more support.
I’ve spent the last year testing out pencil grips and handwriting supports for myself and my neurodivergent child. I started with those egg shaped grips above and found they weren’t helpful at all.
Here are my favorites and the pros and cons of each choice.
The following are affiliate links. I bought these at Amazon so I was able to test and return the grips that didn’t work for me. I wrote more about why Amazon can be essential for some disabled, chronically ill, and neurodivergent people here.
P.S. After writing this post YouTube showed me this video of Taylor Swift using an alternative tripod grip because of hypermobile hands. Maybe I’ll try it out!
Are you new here?
You can see more of my posts about neurodivergence here. I’m newly diagnosed with hEDS, MCAS & POTS and will be sharing resources as I find them. The best way to keep in touch is my email newsletter or subscribing to my blog via RSS.
FOOTNOTES
* I found this after the video and ordered it for further testing. I’m looking for a supportive pen that takes normal size pen refills. If you have a favorite let me know!
Did you know that most people don’t notice the feeling of clothing tags?
I used to think that everyone felt the same itchy irritation I did, and that I was just worse at coping.
But, when I started researching sensory processing to support my own child, I learned something life shattering.
I wasn’t worse at coping.
I was experiencing the world differently.
Sensory modulation is the brain’s way of balancing sensory input.
Consider how a pupil dilates or constricts to let in the right amount of light. Brains can change the intensity at which we experience sensations. They turn down senses evaluated as “unimportant” so you can better focus on a single input.
This isn’t a conscious choice. It is something that happens for most people with the same ease as a pupil dilating when you step into a dark room.
If you’re listening to someone, you probably don’t need to feel that clothing tag in the back of your shirt, to hear the lightbulb buzzing, or to taste the perfume of the person next to you.
Due to sensory modulation most brains wouldn’t even feel those things.
Meanwhile, neurodivergent brains may feel things so intensely that we can’t hear what the person next to us is saying. Or we may hear them, but it is a struggle that leaves us overstimulated and exhausted.
Our brains are simply processing much more information.
Check out this brain scan of an autistic brain (left) versus a non autistic brain (right).
Image Credit: schneider lab §
These scans were taken while the participants were processing spoken language. The non autistic brain is using sensory modulation to focus on the speaker’s voice. While the autistic brain is taking in lots of additional information.
This is why “exposure therapy” is not appropriate for neurodivergence.
Our brains are simply working differently.
Different isn’t bad.
Even if some people want us to believe so.
Brains with sensory processing differences can observe connections that others can’t. This is a unique skill set to bring to problem solving, art, science, and activism.
The world needs neurodivergent brains.
And we all need to better understand them.
That’s why I teamed up with Gracie Klumpp to co-create a picture book about neurodivergence and sensory modulation. This is the book we wish that we’d had as autistic kids.
We’re in the final stages of copy editing and proofing and can’t wait to share this with you. Books will arrive this summer!
I’ve had a lot of messages tentatively asked me if this book could also help adults.
So let me say it loud and clear… YES!
We believe picture books are for everyone and welcome readers of ALL AGES.
Support needs are not something you outgrow.
This is something Gracie indicates beautifully by including adults, teens, and children in the illustrations.
If you’d like to support the project you can also donate a copy and we’ll find your book a home (like a library, school, or with a neurodivergent family.)
We want to partner with educators, writers, occupational therapists, speech therapists, neurodivergent adults, and affirming mental health professionals to read the book and consider writing a blurb (a short quote) for marketing materials.
I’m also in the early stages of building a launch team to help spread the word.
If you’re interested (or know someone who might be) send me an email.
Much love to everyone who has supported the project so far.
I’m back this week with an update on the picture book How it Feels to Me. This is a book about neurodivergence and sensory processing I’m co-creating with illustrator Gracie Klumpp.
It’s fully crowdfunded and coming out later this year!
Last year we ran into some challenges due to substandard quality of our first proof. Ultimately we had to explore alternatives and change printers. Every printer offered slightly different “trim” sizes which meant this process delayed finalizing the illustrations.
Now that we’ve chosen a printer we’re back on track and the illustrations are nearly complete. Later this month we’ll order the next proof and send the text to our copy editor and beta readers!
Here’s a peek to share how it’s coming along…
It’s completely magical to see my words come to life in this way!
Gracie’s using a cool combination of illustrated and photographed elements to visualize the concepts in this book.
We both see this as the book we wish we’d had as kids and hope it will help autistic and neurodivergent folks of all ages!
We’re running a little over budget (because of rising costs and changing printers).
If you’d like to help us bridge the financial deficit you can do so here.
My neurodivergent experience includes time blindness, which is magnified when working on a creative project and reaching flow state. This has some benefits, but one downside is that I have no idea how much time I’m sinking into individual projects.
UPDATE: After writing this one of you kindly sent me the EARLY time tracker app which does almost the same thing with much less friction. I’ve been playing with it for January and honestly it will save a ton of time that I spent tinkering with spreadsheets. (Thanks Katie!)
Spoiler alert, my pie chart has become a north star for my creative process.
My January spreadsheet started out by tracking writing and self publishing time like I do during NaNoWriMo. (Which is why zines don’t show up below.) When I reached days that I didn’t write because I was making visual art I added more columns.
I can guarantee this pie would be almost all admin if I had not seen how big those wedges were and made the choice to dedicate more time to personal projects. Like my Artist’s Residency in Motherhood (ARIM) and my fantasy novel which I made a mood board for.
When I saw how powerful this was I realized I wanted to track all of my creative projects this way. So you’ll see more categories moving forward including Mawd which is a working title for my novel.
At the same I time I decided to migrate and completely redesign my website. Needless to say these were not the most balanced months, but I feel strongly about using this data to course correct and not to judge myself.
With that in mind, I fully believe this awareness did keep the web design wedge from completely taking over the circle. And I managed to carve out nearly a quarter of my time to zine making.
I was still deep in the weeds of web design during March, but I knew I couldn’t continue the pace. I was noticing screen induced migraines and trying to spent more time on other projects. I also added a column for gardening.
By April I realized my dream of republishing all of my blog posts within a single year was not healthy. I’ve archived everything, but I use so many images and videos that simply importing them didn’t work and everything has to be reformatted by hand. I’m not sure when or if I’ll ever move everything. So I decided to focus on any blog posts I wanted to link to and have been moving those.
This freed up a lot of time for various projects. The big pink wedge is work on my gleeman’s cloak to prepare for meeting Sharon Gilham, the costume designer for the Wheel of Time.
May was incredibly balanced looking back. The weather was nice so we spent plenty of time outside. I made a zine about Chaos Gardening. Chipped away at my website. And kept working on my cloak.
You can see the wedge for self publishing where I was ordering proofs from various printers (the very definition of “hurry up and wait.”)
This wedge is even more well balanced than May!
Almost a full color wheel which is funny considering June’s zine was Spectrum.
I’m now in a place where I see these kind of projects as essential to both my creative process and my mental health.
This reset over the summer (when my energy is the lowest) was key to being able to self publish Entwined & Ember without burning out.
Moving into August I was designing a lot of visual schedules and modular calendar elements for home education. I also started sinking some serious time into Entwined & Ember working alongside our copy editor. But I still reserved over 25% of the pie for other projects including zine making and gardening.
I spent a huge amount of time making zines I did not sell at NWA Maker’s Faire (which I blogged about here.) It was mostly a great experience, but also exhausting. I pretty much crashed directly after even though it was only half a day.
I keep wanting to attend more events, but when I do I’m reminded how hard they are on my autistic nervous system and chronically ill body. I don’t think I could manage a full day event – much less a whole weekend.
Suddenly Entwined & Ember were in final edits. Past years this would have been all encompassing, but you can still see 40% of my time put into other things: zines, gardening, blogging, even a bit of ideation for my novel (which was definitely a back burner project this year.)
Launch month! Some of this was final proofing and the rest was fulfilling orders. I balanced the admin with zine making and two Wheel of Time related projects.
When I started this anthology and art journal I had no idea how much energy they would take. I truly wish I’d tracked my hours since the beginning.
If you somehow missed book launch Entwined & Ember are now available worldwide in hardcover and paperback. As well as free community copies to anyone experiencing financial hardship.
I’m typing this on December 29, but I’ve estimated the time I’ll put in the next couple of days. (I’m getting much better at realizing how long things take.) The biggest wedge this month is actually visual art! Which is something I haven’t had much capacity for this year.
I’m actually working on diagram of my creative process based on this data for ILSSA’s open call. It’s inspired by a meander map showing the ebb and flow of various projects through the year. I’m still in the experimental phases, but if all goes well this will be the next art print for subscribers.
What’s next?
We recently decided on a printer for the limited edition hardcovers of How it Feels to Me – a picture book about neurodivergence and sensory processing I’m creating with illustrator Gracie Klumpp.
We’re a little behind schedule (due to the print quality issues), but are aiming to release the book next Spring!
Here’s a peek.
I’m not a spreadsheet wizard, but if you’d like to take a look at my Artist Log template and copy it for yourself you can see it here. If you’re fiddling around with it I recommend typing in numbers to make sure everything is adding up correctly. I changed mine every month so this isn’t really a template as much as a working model you can make your own.
If your creative process was a pie chart (or another shape) what would it be?
Cheers,
P.S. I “should” proofread this, but it’s nearly 1 am and I’m nearing migraine trigger territory. I may come back or I may not. Honestly, there are more important ways to spend my time this week. 💫
A few years ago I wrote a post about neurodivergent boundaries. I had the idea to type it up into a zine and ended up completely re-writing it. I’m making this one available as a digital download. Feel free to print copies and give them away (just don’t charge for them.)
When we talk about autism or neurodivergence we often mention a spectrum. Sometimes this is misunderstood as a range of intensity from “more” to “less.”
But you cannot be “more” or “less” autistic or neurodivergent.
The spectrum is better represented by a color wheel.*
The spectrum is a reminder that every neurodivergent person is unique. Each color represents a neurodivergent trait: differences in sensory processing, language, socializing, focus, etc.
But even the color wheel is too static.
This is my attempt to illustrate the complexity and nuance of the spectrum of autism and neurodivergence.
For example, sometimes a person is described as sensory seeking or sensory avoidant.
Opposites on the color wheel.
But most of us are both.
Here is an example from my own spectrum. I experience water in my face as overstimulation… a sensation that, for me, is worse than physical pain. My nervous system completely floods with sensory input and enters a state of distress.
On the other hand, in the context of a warm bath I am “sensory seeking”. The feeling of being (almost) submerged in warm water calms my nervous system and helps me self regulate.
This is the same element.
Water.
But my internal experience is vastly different depending on the context. Supporting this sensitivity includes baths over showers, no sprinklers, pool splashing, or going underwater. When I interact with water on my own terms I find it deeply regulating and soothing.
Then we have a trait like focus. ADHD is often perceived as a deficit in the ability to focus (it’s right there in the name), but both people with autism and ADHD can experience hyperfocus.
This circle represents my hyperfocus.
I often enter hyperfocus when I am in creative flow or engaged with topics I am passionate about. Yet, I cannot reach hyperfocus without the necessary environment or supports.
This circle represents my difficulty focusing.
My ideal environment for focus is quiet and solitude. (For others it could be music and company… or body doubling.)
When I don’t have that I need supports like: a swivel chair for stimming, noise cancelling headphones, and more time. Because without access to hyperfocus I have to accept that tasks take more time. I can also become dysregulated by working in an overstimulating environment.
The spectrum becomes infinitely more complex when different traits overlap and intersect.
Not only is every neurodivergent human unique, but our spectrums may present differently from day to day and moment to moment, based on a variety of internal and external factors.
Some spectrums of neurodivergence may not fit the criteria for a diagnosis, but that does not make them any less valid.
Our world is technicolor.
Let’s stop imagining it as black and white.
Grab some art supplies and reflect on neurodiversity as you play with color. If you are neurodivergent what colors would you assign each of your traits? If you’re neurotypical how can you use this framework to support the spectrums in your life?
Love snail mail?
These watercolor washes were originally created for the Spectrum zine for my monthly subscribers. If you’d like a printed copy you can:
