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“The wind was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the Wheel of Time. But it was a beginning.”
Last week I went on a creative pilgrimage to Charleston, South Carolina.
That’s the easy to digest version.
The facts, if you will.
For the uninitiated, metaphysics is:
“the branch of philosophy that deals with the first principles of things, including abstract concepts such as being, knowing, substance, cause, identity, time, and space.”2
This journey was about all of these things in a really intricate and profound way.
But first, let’s take a step back into the late 90s.
Observe Sarah, who has fallen asleep on the bed with a dictionary. Again. To the side of the bed is a stack of large thick blue books and several notebooks. If you thumbed through the notebooks you’d find clumsily written facts and lists of names.
Or carefully calligraphed prophecies.
At this point in my life I had no concept of neurodivergence or autism. But I had fallen for the deepest special interest of my life. When I wasn’t doing schoolwork or working I was thinking about these books.
The Wheel of Time.
I’ve written about this before, but it’s almost impossible to get across how important these books are to me or why. Here’s where metaphysics comes in.
It would be easy to say I love the characters, the genre, the use of language. That I’m drawn in by the depth of world building, the complexity of the magic system, and the sheer scope of the books. All of these things are true.3
Yet, I don’t think these are why I connect so deeply to this story.
It’s more ephemeral than that.
More metaphysical.
There’s something in me that feels seen by these books.
A sense of belonging and knowing that runs deeper than thought processes. A recognition at the soul level.4
The same feeling as when you meet a friend who just “gets it.” When the things that felt weird and unknowable about you become points of connection.
“You too? I thought it was just me.”
But it’s not just about similarities. Differences form this bond as well. And they expand your worldview. You begin to see the world through the eyes of your friend.
That is how I feel about these books. They see me and they also stretch me.
These characters were my peers. The fact that they weren’t real didn’t make their influence any less impactful.
I read these books at the height of my social anxiety. And I took away important lessons from the Aes Sedai. I saw their confidence and how they carried themselves in the world. I learned that perception can be more powerful than reality. And the that the truth you hear isn’t always the truth you think you hear.
I also saw teenagers leave their village and reshape the world. Everything felt possible.
When I finished the series I put the books on a shelf and didn’t touch them for a decade. (I talked about this a bit in my podcast chat with Morgan Harper Nichols.)
I didn’t realize at the time that my interests are a tool for self regulation and a lens I use to process the world. I had no idea what function they had in my life until they were no longer there.
In 2020 I hit rock bottom.
I couldn’t cope.
Then I started re-reading The Wheel of Time.
I’d forgotten how these books made me feel. I knew I loved them. But I also enjoy other stories and books that don’t have the same resonance. These stories are different.
They are etched into my bones.
When I re-read the Wheel of Time I’m always surprised at the curious mix of what I’ve retained – the details I know as if I lived them. And what became hazy over time.
There’s always something new to notice.
Sometime after that re-read I also reconnected to the Wheel of Time community. I was surprised and delighted to find there were other nerds who still loved these stories as much as I do.
It felt like rediscovering part of myself that I’d forgotten existed. My joy at listening to livestreams on The Dusty Wheel was palpable.. an embodied sense of belonging. “These are my people.”
The more time I spend in this community the more incredible I realize it is.
There’s a generosity in spirit and a value in creative joy that I haven’t seen in other corners of the internet. The more I watched these people nerding out the more I knew I needed to make time and space for this in my own life.
This January I wrote down “Wheel of Time convention” and “Pilgrimage to Robert Jordan’s Notes” as long term goals. It felt impossible at the time, but also important. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine both would happen this year.
After winning a ticket to WoT Con this summer one thing led to another and I signed up for Ogier Con – a small gathering of fans who were planning to make the pilgrimage to Charleston…together.
Instead of traveling alone I was destined to go there in community.
The wheel weaves as the wheel wills.
When I made it to the library I found myself reading Wheel of Time manuscripts with Matt Hatch, Tamrylin of Theoryland, Innkeeper of The Dusty Wheel.
In that moment, time collapsed in on itself. I existed in four timelines simultaneously:
Over time other hard core fan freaks joined us at the table. We’d each come with a different purpose.
My curiosity about RJ’s writing process doesn’t come from a desire to replicate it. I could no more write in his particular style than you could teach a bird to swim.
But I’m learning that his process was messier and more intuitive than what I had come to accept as “the right way.” It’s given me inspiration to toss out the rule book and develop a writing process that works for me.
It shakes my inner writer awake. I wondered if I’d feel that reading his notes. And I did. The more I learn about Robert Jordan’s writing process the more I see pieces of myself.
Don’t get me wrong. We’re wildly different people. But there are mundane similarities.
Looking at his notes I found lists. Facts, idioms, and so much research. He filled notebooks with information about plants and herbal remedies. Historical and mythological figures.
Other notebooks had a single list and the rest was empty.
(I vow never to feel guilty about abandoning notebooks again.) 😂
These were just the kind of notes I used to keep as a teenager. I had one small green notebook that was a collection of names – especially for writing.
I also have an obsession with collecting what I call colloquialisms. An interest originally sparked by their use in Robert Jordan’s writing, and expanded during my time living abroad.
For example, I love the contrast between
and
It’s even better with accents, trust me.
I looked up some of the phrases RJ had collected and determined they were from films. I can only imagine that he then studied those to work out how to create his own. He was an expert at this and it made his world feel rich and lived in. For example, a character who grew up in a fishing village says,
“You bore a hole in the boat and worry that it’s raining.”6
I love seeing evidence that Robert Jordan had similar drive to collect information.
Instead there were plenty of notes in a style that RJ called “rambling.”
These ramble files read almost like freewriting about the story. He seemed to craft his plot on the page. Not in an outline.
The first ramble file I read opened with a few paragraphs about Emonds Field – the houses, the economic structure, the village’s contact with the outside world (peddlers, grain traders, and gleemen.) Then he starts working through details. I love the bits where he asks himself questions or sets down two different options to consider.
“The peddler is dead(?)”7
“Tea: where does it come from?”8
“Lan falls in love with Eguene (?) or with Nyneve (?)”9
“????? the Rods of Dominion ?????”10
Many of Jordan’s early ideas are very different to what happens in the books while others remain unchanged.
I already use freewriting to process experiences in life. So it feels like a natural fit to weave that into my storytelling.
I stayed in the library until a librarian came up quietly and asked, “Did you know we close at 4?” It was 4. I thanked her and packed up. I paused to look at the display outside the library. RJ’s old desktop computer was there with a sticker,
I started a 15 minute walk to the Air B&B my rolling suitcases in tow. Along the way I serendipitously came across Ogier street. The Ogier are a forest dwelling people in the Wheel of Time who have a penchant for long winded stories and info dumps. (Sound familiar?)
I took a photo.
The rest of the weekend was an exploration of Charleston and the places that inspired the books.
We visited the Angel Oak, known affectionately by the fandom as Avendesora, the Wheel of Time’s version of the Tree of Life. I’ve seen live oaks before, but the scale of this one was otherworldly. It’s impossible to convey the sense of scale with a photograph.
The next day we walked the gardens of Harriet McDougal’s home (Robert Jordan’s widow and editor). We were given a tour by Maria Simons (Head of the Brown Ajah). Every time I thought we’d seen it all we would turn a corner or step into a passageway and discover more. A true secret garden.
I took photos of flowers to plant in my own garden next year (including these tithonia which the butterflies loved… I even spotted a monarch.)
Next, we met with military historian and author of Origins of the Wheel of Time Michael Livingston.
He talked about his own creative process and showed us around The Citadel – the military college where RJ drew inspiration for The White Tower. There was also an impromptu book signing at Robert Jordan’s desk, which is now his. Michael signed a copy of his fiction book Shards of Heaven for me, which I look forward to reading. It is a historical fantasy novel set in Ancient Rome.
I’m still processing everything I was able to see.
Most of it didn’t seem real. Kind of like seeing Big Ben for the first time.
And between every surreal moment was soul to soul connection.
The intimate size and setting of the gathering made space for expansive and meaningful conversation.
A Dreamshard, if you will.
I went looking for Robert Jordan and I found his spirit alive in these people.
If that’s not metaphysics at work I don’t know what is.
Many thanks to everyone who worked hard to make this weekend come to be, and also to every single sweet spirit who was there.
You are all doing The Light’s Work in your own way.
I’m in proper long winded Ogier mode today, but I’ll try to wrap things up.
Circling back to my creative process:
I’ll never be Robert Jordan.
No one will.
But I can be Sarah Shotts.
I can tell the stories that are important to me in the ways and timelines that are right for me. My goal isn’t capitalistic success, but creative expression. To make something that’s true to me and share it with others who may find bits of themselves in it.
I’ll always have multiple projects. But I’m learning how to them weave them together. One project bubbling away in the slow cooker. One on the stovetop. And another fermenting in a dark cupboard.11
That cupboard is where my fiction writing has been. It’s time to wake up that sourdough starter and start proving some bread.
Kindle Curiosity is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Do you have any projects in the fermentation cupboard you’re ready to pull out?
Have you ever had a creative pilgrimage? Where did you go and what did you learn?
Cheers,
P.S. Did you miss my first post about rediscovering Wheel of Time? Catch it here.
P.P.S. Want to know more about The Wheel of Time? I wrote this for you.
We realized over the weekend that the easiest way to explain why 12 strangers were flying across the country to visit a library and an old tree was simply to call ourselves a book club. It worked on my chiropractor.
Metaphysics definition via Oxford Languages
Also true, and something I love about this fandom is that we each bring our own criticisms to these books we love. I don’t love these books in a way that is infallible. I know they are flawed. Everything human is. And I love them anyway.
Perhaps I should reread John O’Donohue’s Anam Cara with this in mind. Maybe there are answers there. (Anam Cara means “soul friend” in Gaelic.)
For the curious that’s 88 NaNoWriMo novels. The reason I went for words instead of pages.
Siuan Sanche, The Great Hunt by: Robert Jordan
Box 20, EOTW Revision #1, Filename: Ramblings, pg. 10 (James Oliver Rigney, Jr., papers, College of Charleston Libraries, Charleston, SC, USA.)
Box 24, Folder 1, TGH, “Misc Random thoughts” (James Oliver Rigney, Jr., papers, College of Charleston Libraries, Charleston, SC, USA.)
Box 24, Folder 1 “Notes on course of books” (James Oliver Rigney, Jr., papers, College of Charleston Libraries, Charleston, SC, USA.)
Box 75, Folder 2, “Additional White Goddess Notes” (James Oliver Rigney, Jr., papers, College of Charleston Libraries, Charleston, SC, USA.)
It turns out fermentation is actually a key part of my creative process, and not one I’m going to feel guilty about any more. Maybe I’ll write more about this another day.
Hyper sensitivity is real, but the term HSP dehumanizes autistic people.
…
…
I needed to pull you in with the title, but that may have flared up your nervous system. Let’s start over.
You might find it hard to change your mind because it means admitting that you’re wrong. I get it.
I’ve felt that way too.
We’re all imperfect humans trying to understand the world around us. Let me be clear that I’m not saying anyone is a bad person.
But I am asking you to stop doing something that is hurting me, and I hope you’ll listen. My heart is beating like crazy while I type this, but HSP is trending and it’s only getting more popular.
I don’t think the sensitive souls using it realize how much pain it is causing autistics like myself.
I’m asking you to open yourself to the possibility that you might be using a term you do not fully understand.
I want to be clear that my issue with HSP is rooted in Aron’s writings. (She coined the term.) I have no doubt that you are highly sensitive and that your body processes sensory input in an intense way. I also remember the relief at realizing that truth for myself and reframing my sensitivity as a difference and not a character flaw.
The term “highly sensitive person” sounds universal and harmlesss. But unfortunately HSP carries a lot of baggage and pain for any autistic person familiar with this book.
Here is a direct quote from Aron concerning autistic people,
“Their problem seems to be a difficulty recognizing where to focus attention and what to ignore.
When speaking with someone, they may find the person’s face no more important to look at than the pattern on the floor or the type of lightbulbs in the room.
Naturally they can complain intensely about being overwhelmed by stimulation… but in social situations, especially they more often notice something irrelevant, whereas HSPs would be paying more attention to subtle facial expressions, at least when not overaroused.”
This passage alone expresses a deeply ill informed and outdated conception of autism. This is unsurprising because the book was first published in 1996 … long before the neurodiversity movement.
Aron’s views toward autistics are harmful and blatantly inaccurate.
This book was published in 1996. It is outdated and should go out of print.
Before we go any further it’s really important to start with this:
If you know someone who is autistic you may think that you understand autism, but we are each incredibly unique.
One person may love loud music the other might cover their ears.
One kid plays elbow deep in mud the other can’t bear to touch it.
One person loves running into the ocean the other can’t shower because they hate feeling water on their face.
This is why we say autism is a spectrum.
Imagine it like a color wheel.
Each color is a different intensity of a certain autistic trait.
That is okay.
You could always call yourself “highly sensitive” or “hyper sensitive” or even just “sensitive.”
But it’s not okay to call yourself an HSP when the term perpetuates harmful stereotypes against autism.
I read the HSP book long ago, when I thought I myself might be an HSP and not autistic. So I know the main premise of the book is that your sensitivity is a difference and not a disorder.
I agree!
And guess what?
It’s no longer the 90’s, and there is better language for that.
What is neurodiversity?
“‘Neurodiversity’ is a term that suggests the human race is improved by having a diversity of different kinds of brains – like biodiversity in nature, having lots of different brains in a society means we have people with different strengths who can work together.” §
If you experience more sensitivity than the average person you are… neurodivergent.
It’s that simple.
If you identify as highly sensitive you are welcome and invited to identify as neurodivergent.
No diagnosis necessary.
Sensory differences are central to the autistic experience.
Many of us believe that our sensory differences are the root cause of all other differences.
Just look at these two brains.
It is clear that the autistic brain (left) is processing much more sensory input than the brain on the right (neurotypical.) Differences in sensory integration may be directly related to language differences, social differences, etc.
There are also so many autistic strengths that are never mentioned! All of that extra information that our brain doesn’t filter out as “unnecessary” makes us excel at pattern recognition and problem solving. Autistic brains notice and make connections that neurotypical don’t even perceive.
But you may not realize this because even the professionals can’t all agree on what adult autism looks like.
They are using a test that was developed for kids and the whole process needs to be reformed. New research is slowly coming in that validates unstereotypical autistic experience.
The field of autism is in flux.
Early autism research was limited to aggressive nonspeaking white boys for a long time and only recently has the field begun to realize the variety of presentations autism can take. **
If you identify as hyper sensitive I’d really encourage you to follow some autistic adults to learn more about the autistic experience and to do some more research on “masked autism”.
Not sure where to start?
Read my “What is autism?” post.
Visit my library of neurodiversity affirming resources for podcasts, videos, books & more.
Or subscribe for monthly-ish emails from me. I share my own lived experience and often write about creativity and neurodivergence.
Right now I’m working on a picture book about sensory processing with autistic artist Gracie Klumpp. If you’d like to support the project you can preoder a copy (or donate one to a school or library) here.
* Why so many women don’t know they’re autistic with Katherine May. Glennon Doyle’s We Can Do Hard Things Episode 220.
† Fact or fiction: people with autism never make eye contact. https://www.universiteitleiden.nl/en/news/2023/03/fact-or-fiction-people-with-autism-never-make-eye-contact
‡ How do adults and teens with self-declared Autism Spectrum Disorder experience eye contact? A qualitative analysis of first-hand accounts https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5705114/
§ Autism Resource Page https://katherine-may.co.uk/autism-resource-page
** Gender Differences in Misdiagnosis and Delayed Diagnosis among Adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder
Racial/Ethnic Disparities in the Identification of Children With Autism Spectrum Disorders
Birds Flying: Bernard Hermant via Unsplash
Illustration by @autistic_sketches on Instagram
Brain Scan images via Schneider Lab
Read here: https://sarahshotts.substack.com/p/neurodivergent-friendship
First off, a quick update for local folks!
I’ll be attending my very first book festival as a self published author this Saturday! I’ll be doing a reading and signing at NWA Book Fest and would love to see you there! It feels surreal and I’m not sure I quite believe it’s real yet.
Find all the festival information here. (Catch me on the main stage at 2:30pm).
A peek into my creative process and current works in progress.
This week I’ve had more “reaching” energy than “rooting.”
Along with preparing for the festival I’ve also applied to two more art exhibitions at Spilt Milk Gallery and The Anthropology of Motherhood.
You can download either of these printables (Reach & Root or 100 Submissions) here.
I recorded a podcast episode with Kiki from Heiter Magazine. (Coming your way in April.) Podcast interviews take a lot of energy so I am experimenting with quarterly guests this year. In the past I’ve tried weekly or monthly and that has been too much. This is part of my seasonal planning approach and slowing down to find my own pace.
I’m also undertaking a just-for-fun puppet alteration project for a Wheel of Time parody contest. I haven’t done any crafting or fan art in a really long time so this has been fun.
Also Davy is fascinated.
Maybe I’ll share a peek at that next week.
Other bits and bobs I’d like to recommend…
“I used to think that art had to begreat to be worthwhile. Now, I only think it has to be to be worthwhile.” John Green. Maybe Art Only Needs to Be. Feb 21, 2023.
Me too, John, me too.
The On Being podcast is BACK and I am loving it! These two episodes were amazing.
Janine Benyus Biomimicry, an Operating Manual for Earthlings on natural organisms as mentors and peers… learning from them rather than about them.
And Rick Rubin Magic, Everyday Mystery, and Getting Creative. I have SO MANY quotes from this one because I listened while parked in the car while Davy napped:
Reflections on shapeshifting and reframing “scattered” by Cody Cook-Parrott
That’s all for this week, but I’d love to know what you’re up to.
Feel free to drop a link or comment below.
Cheers,
Hullo all,
I’m playing with the structure a bit here. Trying out categories rather than themed emails. I’m also bringing back some old themes long time supporters may recognize.
Let me know what you think.
I haven’t had much studio time this month unless you count making Number Block counting beads with Davy and the 3 hour masterclass I took from Amie McNee & Jimmy Winestock.
A peek into my creative process and an update on my collection, This is my Brain on Motherhood.
This week I’m sharing a sneak peek at a 360 VR piece I made in December. It’s taken a while to work out how to share this online.
There are two ways to experience this work.
Curious about the process? Here’s a timelapse.
This piece was inspired by a piece of writing by Hayley Dunlop which reminded me of doing this as a child. It was purely creative play at the time. I later revisited this process in directing class when I was asked to “completely transform the space.”
Hayley’s writing connected this memory to neurodivergent thought patterns which immediately made me want to create this with Davy.
Working alongside him added all sorts of layers – both layers of meaning – and literal pools of knots (which were never part of my previous efforts.) 😂
Other bits and bobs I’d like to recommend this week.
I also admired these shadows.
Minor updates March 2025 to correct links and images.
I’ve been a photographer for as long as I can remember. Even as a kid I was drawn to photographing trees and birds and cowboy boots lined up beside the swimming pool. But somehow I had never tried a long term photo-a-day project.
That is until Claire Venus proposed a year long creative collaboration. We would exchange photos of our every day life each day for one year.
We started the project without a name, but very quickly found magic in the mundanity. Little moments of synchronicity between the Northwest of Arkansas and the Northeast of England.
I also noticed how well this form of connection suited my neurodivergence. The structured project soon became a container for friendship to grow. Life and art bled into each other.
Soon after we started the project my family traveled out of state for my son’s autism evaluation. And it felt like Claire was right there beside me – even an ocean away. We began to chat about the beauty and the hard things of motherhood, neurodivergence, and creativity.
The project also sharpened my artist eye. To the beauty around me. The magic in the mess. In my creative ecosystem framework I call this creative oxygen.
It’s also become a self regulation tool. Pausing to compose a photo was just what I needed when things broke or the milk spilled (again) or the room had become a complete mess.
We talked about this a bit when I interviewed Claire on the podcast.
We’re in the final days of exchanging photos now and I can’t believe this project is coming to and end. Right now I’m working out logistics for how to curate and exhibit this work. (I’ll keep you updated.)
If you want more magic you should definitely follow Claire’s Substack. She writes about creativity, slow living, and work life balance. She recently posted her reflection of this project here.
To celebrate the completion of the Magic Mundane I’m hosting a little giveaway over on Substack chat. Enter to win a copy of my book Discover Your Creative Ecosystem and Claire’s Creativity Island for Mums. 🥰
Cheers,
P.S. Keep the magic going by using the hashtag #themagicmundane on Instagram.