“you have an interest based attention system”
This is how Martha Beck was told she had ADHD.
“Do you people really pay equal amounts of attention to everything?!” she asked.
“We pay attention to what’s optimal.”
Source: Martha Beck and Rowan Mangan: How Creativity Trumps Anxiety on Unpublished Podcast with Amie McNee and James Winestock
I’m still celebrating!
Last week, on my actual birthday, one of my favorite chapters from the Wheel of Time was adapted to screen. So I am having a great month.
As my gift to you, anyone who joins the zine subscription this month, will get a bonus Wheel of Time mini zine. 🥰
This month I wrote about creating safe spaces and regulating nervous systems in “unprecedented times.”
You can read the digitized version here.
The work on the cover has been exhibited in several different galleries and is part of the My Brain on Motherhood collection as part of my ARIM.
I’ve also spent a substantial amount of time this month working on a sculpture called Bloom Where You’re Planted from a dead cherry tree.
You can read about the process here.
Here I am cleaning mud off the root.
I’m making a concerted effort to spend more time creating and less time on admin this year. One of the tools I’m using for this is logging my time with spreadsheets and charts.
As someone with time blindness I can very easily sink time into something without realizing.
Seeing time visually has made a huge difference for me!
If you’re curious about this process you can click here to read more about what I’m doing and what impact it’s having.
Last month, in all my excitement about The Wheel of Time, I completely forgot to tell you I published a ramble podcast. I’ll be doing these on an ad hoc basis moving forward. (If you enjoy listening let me know!)
I haven’t managed to migrated podcast episodes off Substack yet.
Listen here for now.
This is essentially a brain dump I recorded in January reflecting on my creative ecosystem, closing loops, and my intentions for moving into a new year.
When I migrate off Substack I’m thinking of calling this a “Brain Dump Podcast” to remind myself it’s okay to be messy. Here’s some possible podcast art. Not my normal color palette, but maybe my kid’s love of all things rainbow is rubbing off on me.
Of everything I’m sharing I spent the most time and energy on this.
If you’ve struggled to learn a second language later in life – it may not be for the reasons you think. I’d love to know what neurodivergent folks think of this post.
I also wrote some thoughts about From Where You Dream. A book about storytelling from your unconscious.
Just two posts in the TARDIS time hop this month.
If you have time to check out my 360 VR work I’d love to know what you think.
While I was at it I also created a landing page for free resources and printables.
Support doing things the old fashioned way by joining my Patrons ($5) and I’ll send paper copies of my zines with the coolest postage stamps I can find.
Here are other ways you can support.
If you’re reading this in your email inbox you can just hit reply to message me directly. I’d love to hear what you think. It makes it worth the time I put in.
Thanks for being here.
I appreciate you.
P.S. One downside to emailing each month instead of weekly is that there is SO MUCH to cover. I’ve almost given up on sharing links because I have too many to narrow down. But the 15 hours a month I’ve recovered to spend on other projects seems worth the trade off.
If you want a suggestion… Watch the Wheel of Time. 😉
Gestalt cognitive processing is when experiences are held as primarily episodic memories. Gestalt cognitive processors process events as a “whole” that is made up of very specific parts. They are whole-to-part thinkers. They have a hyper-awareness of specifics and details in events that make up the entirety of the event, episode, or “whole” for them. … If something within that whole changes, it can be very distressing for a gestalt cognitive processor.
Alexandria Zachos, MS, CCC-SLP/L
Questions I’d like to explore… 🔬
Do we get stuck because we see the whole finished thing in our minds?
Do we struggle to find a way in because we are not sequential thinkers and seeing the whole is overwhelming?
The idea does not have to come out fully formed.
Could this be happening because we are reliving every rejection we’ve ever experienced? Does it also happen when we are already struggling with flaws (deviations from our internal gestalt) and someone points them out or criticizes it’s unbearable?
Can we make more space for imperfection, experimentation, iteration, and discovery?
I think I’ve done this with gardening and pottery and it’s all to do with who I learned those things from and how I think about them. Can I invite that sense of ease and curiosity into other pursuits?
Find further research at #gestaltcognitiveprocessing.
But I was already establishing coping mechanisms. Because I had no internal chronometer to distinguish between 5 minutes and 50 I would prepare for every outing far far in advance and find myself in a state of limbo unable to do anything but wait.
This is effective, but is also a black hole for both energy and time.
It’s funny that the same internal experience can result in two such seemingly different behaviors, but it makes sense. One approach to time is a rigid controlled white knuckling. A hyperfocus that saps both time and energy from your life. The other holds on with a looser grip and time slips away.
You might construe the first stereotype as autism and the second as ADHD, but time blindness is an internal experience shared by both.
Now that I’m a mother I simply don’t have bandwidth to white knuckle my way through the day hyperfocusing on time.
I cannot wait in the car for an hour. I do not have an hour to spare.
Not to mention the chaotic element of a small human who has all sorts of urgent needs that can’t always be anticipated.
How do normal people know when to leave the house to arrive somewhere on time?
I never realized I was working SO HARD at something most people find simple.
I was obsessed with planners a few years ago. I never would have described myself as disorganized, but this was down to the fact that I relied on a series of complicated systems to keep track of the most basic things.
When Davy was in his human goat phase I gave planners up. As a result I’ve been flying blind for 3.5 years now. During this time I have learned a few things:
First, go gentle on people who show up late and forget things. They are doing their best.
Second, I really thrive with structure and systems.
It’s impossible to overstate how much having a plan helps me.
Structure frees up my brain for other things in a way that I can only compare to breathing oxygen versus being waterboarded.
At first I thought the lesson I was meant to be learning was how to “let go” and embrace fluidity.
There is nothing less helpful you could suggest to a human whose brain needs structure.
The last few months I have been experimenting with themed days. With one focus per day my nervous system has improved dramatically. It also seems to help Davy. (We are both the type of neurodivergent who likes to know what’s coming.)
But we all need different things.
If your brain needs freedom embrace that. Don’t let people shame you and push you into a rigid structure if that doesn’t work for you.
Life seems determined to deal out changed plans, external deadlines, and an ungodly amount of urgent paperwork.
When this happens we should treat ourself like we’re doing something really hard (because we are.)
Without a plan my brain feels like it is on high alert all the time just trying to get through the day. Imagine a tennis player bouncing with bent legs ready to sprint in any direction*. That’s how I feel without a plan. It’s exhausting. And I am far more likely to become overstimulated.
*I know nothing about sports. But we were told to stand this way in Improv class and I quit immediately. 😂
When our nervous system is on high alert we can help ourselves by:
I could say more, but I’ve run out of time. 😂😂😂