

Self seeded sunflowers (from the bird feeder) and our first baby birdhouse gourd!
Self seeded sunflowers (from the bird feeder) and our first baby birdhouse gourd!
Our chaos garden has turned feral.
After being gone for a week and sick for another here’s a look at how it’s going. And it’s going to stay this overgrown for a while.
One of my chronic illnesses causes heat intolerance so it is what it is at this point. (I can do a bit in evenings, but can’t keep pace with the grass.)
The perennials that hold space against the grass are key. I keep adding more of them, but we can only afford to do so much at once. 🤷
I show this to not idealize the chaos gardening approach. It works better in some seasons than others. Between the heat and the rain the witch grass is currently winning. My main point is that you don’t have to be a perfect gardener to enjoy gardening.
The self seeded sunflowers are a bright light. They’ve attracted goldfinch which we don’t often see.
“In the possession of books unread, there is not shame but virtue: the pursuit of a supercool project: the production of a perfect-for-you library; an intellectual armory.”
“I do believe a great library is both a practical asset and a personal achievement. It’s a way of saying, this is who I am; this is what I value. Saying it to yourself, most of all.”
“It is paradoxically the limitations of the physical book — the fact that it can only be in one place at a time; that fact that it bears marks of its use; the fact that when a friend presses a book into your hands, they are actually giving something up—that make it so productive as a cultural object.”
“I’ve come to understand that not everything I write needs to go somewhere. But the act of writing itself—of witnessing—does something to me. It organizes what I didn’t know I was trying to understand. It shows me what I’m circling, what I’m avoiding, what I already know.
Writing, self-publishing, and small acts of attention help me keep my heart from hardening. They’re not solutions—but they’re part of how I stay human.”
Links to the pins in my collection. I’m not an affiliate. I just like to support artists.
These designs are my own. You can find them (including variations) in my shop.
The year is 1999.
Every morning I sit down at a computer that looks roughly like this:
And I engage with an Internet that is much different than our own. Rather than being served up content from various data mining corporate entities I am very intentional with how I spend my time.
4. When I did find what I wanted I often printed it out. One printout I still have in the attic is Lewis Carrol’s Eight or Nine Wise Words About Letter Writing. I also printed quotes and images (rarely because ink was expensive) for my actual cork board.
6. Log into NaNoWriMo message boards every day of October and November.
6. Save drafts of my novel on 3 1/2 floppy disks.*
Furthermore, what we’ve gained in image resolution and loading times we’ve lost in connection. Those early days of the Internet it felt like a playground of possibility. Websites weren’t easy to monetize yet.
Everything on the Internet was a labor of love.
No one was using click bait because the structures that favored clicks weren’t yet created. Websites were shared and linked to because users found them interesting or funny.
Over the last 6 months I’ve done a deep dive into the “early” Internet.
I took over 10,000 words of notes from various articles and books (which you can trawl here). I have more than enough to write a scholarly article. But now that I’m here I don’t really care to use them.
It’s not about pointing with forensic clarity at the moment the Internet “changed.”
(But I am wondering… when did we stop capitalizing it?)
There was no single moment of corruption. Over time capitalism did capitalism. Spaces became monetizable and websites with a lot of traffic began to monetize.
There are definitely benefits. Artists & makers & authors can find new audiences and patrons can support creators to keep doing what they love.
But there’s also * waves hands * the rest of the garbage that came with monetization. The algorithms, the data collection, the noise, the click bait, the paywalls, the walled gardens, the misinformation, and the rise of reactionary content.
Most of the time the Internet feels like this:
But it didn’t always.
Because there wasn’t a robust system of monetization the incentive you had to create online was to contribute to a growing gift economy.
There was a culture of creating to share with others – from flashing GIFs, to “seamless” tiled backgrounds, to fan message boards. Artists and coders made free wallpapers and screensavers and even free software called “freeware.” I was part of a “sig tag” group where members used fonts and clip art to make signatures you could attach to “sign” your email. We’d type in each member’s name (around 15-20) and email the image files for the group.
You gave your time and energy and others were generous in return. It wasn’t barter or trade. No one was keeping a tally of how much each person contributed. But there was an overwhelming spirit of generosity and reciprocity.
Over the last year I’ve reconnected to the Wheel of Time fandom.
Coming from the “creative entrepreneur” corner of the Internet it has been a complete culture shock (of the best kind.) And it reminds me of my early days online. It’s no coincidence that this fandom has been around since the early days of the Internet on forums like Theoryland and Dragonmount.
For most of us it is not a job. It’s our passion. Among this fandom I have seen a depth of generosity that seems unfathomable.
A gift economy functions because when you feel the warmth of generosity you want to contribute. When you walk into a new space and are welcomed you turn and welcome the next person. When you see someone create a cool fanwork you want to join in.
I wrote a bit about this last August.
One year later, I’ve found clarity.
I cannot continue to pivot between these paradigms anymore.
It’s dizzying.
I have no interest in selling art, content, memberships, or courses. Every time I have charged for this kind of content it has felt like I am pulled off course. I’ll continue writing and selling books, but I have no intention to leave my day job and become a “full time” writer. That allows me to make what I want without focusing on creating content that “converts to sales.”
I don’t begrudge anyone who chooses a different path.
If you’re a full time artist be a full time artist. I love that for you. I support lots of creatives online and will continue to do so.
But if the capitalist framework isn’t sitting well for you there is another way.
Is a handsewn quilt less valuable than a bedspread from Pottery Barn?
Of course not.
We need to stop letting the dominant culture brainwash us into undervaluing the gift exchange.
Or a fermenting compost heap?
I’m in the process of removing the paywall here on Substack.
This month I’ve unlocked another session of Camp Kindle. (Last month I unlocked the Wonder session.) I created both of these for adults, but I’ve heard families really love doing the activities together.
To everyone: How can we create spaces of reciprocity and connection in an online world that wants us to see each other as a “target audience”? How do we reframe the value of our work outside of capitalism?
To creative business owners: How can we make our businesses less extractive? How might we contribute to a gift economy alongside work that we do charge for?
Cheers,
P.S. If you missed last month I’ve decided to remove the paywall and send snail mail to my paying supporters instead. You can read that here.
** Personally I experienced the crush of change online between 2013 and 2016 (which incidentally is the time we stopped capitalizing the Internet… maybe there is something there.)
*** To bring more intentionality into my own Internet experience I’m spending more time on RSS and less time on apps, using Ecosia instead of Google (the AI snippets are killing me), and burrowing into my cozy Discord groups.
I was in the UK hiking through the Scottish Highlands. He was in the US buying a house in Northwest Arkansas. Even a world apart we managed to find each other.
We may have had a little help from technology. Swapping emails, Skype video calls, and playing lots of Tetris online meant that we knew each other really well before we ever met face-to-face. We were even able to write old fashioned love letters that are now tied in a ribbon and tucked into my hope chest.
It didn’t take long after we met to realize Nathan was the one. Isn’t he adorable?
Growing up I wasn’t one of those girls who planned her wedding from the age of five, but as I was falling for Nathan I started imagining ours. I knew I wanted our wedding to reflect our personalities. Green converse (our favorite color), nerdy details, and a relaxed atmosphere.
Because my friends & family were in Mississippi and Nathan’s were in Oklahoma & Arkansas the logistics started to run away from us. Wherever we placed the wedding half of the guests would have a 12-hour trek and some just wouldn’t be able to make it that far. Wherever the wedding was I knew I wanted everything to be showered in natural light for beautiful photographs, and spent weeks searching for the perfect venue.
We ended up with the best of both worlds. We had a small intimate ceremony with immediate family at Devil’s Den State Park in Winslow, AR. Then in the weeks to follow we had celebrations in each of our stompin’ grounds.
Now I wouldn’t have it any other way. The low key, relaxed atmosphere allowed us to focus on each other and the commitment we were making. My brother-in-law livestreamed the wedding to Papa who couldn’t make it and was watching from his care home. Some of our other friends and family also joined the livestream. With families members gathered under a towering tree we exchanged vows in an intimate ceremony.
As a wedding photographer, I’ve seen too many kids stuffed in itchy outfits and expected to behave like adults. We decided to let the kids do their own thing and it was perfect. (Even in it’s imperfection.)
Following the ceremony a mini reception was set up on the stone wall by the overlook. We had a simple wedding cake topped with white hydrangeas. We’d also used hydrangeas to make my bridal bouquet and for the flower girls to toss. We’d baked Star Wars cookies earlier in the week (and had LEGO candy in leui of wedding mints). Nathan & I cut the cake and toasted Mountain Dew in glass bottles. Afterwards a few hikers stopped by with well wishes. It was all beautifully simple.
With friends and family all over the globe I decided to have a postcard guest book. Those present chose postcards from a selection we had and faraway friends mailed postcards from places like London, Canada, Turkey & the Netherlands. I’m going to bind them together into a book. Our wedding program was also pretty unique. Nathan’s a computer programmer so I asked him to write our wedding in code and we used that for the program (below center). It was pretty awesome.
Did I mention there was a light saber battle between Best Man & Maid of Honor? (I never even knew this happened until we got the photos.)
Our wedding day was just the beginning of a wonderful adventure.
What are your favorite wedding memories?
Cheers,
Sarah
{Photos by Stephanie Dawn Photography.}
The year before I went to grad school I binge watched a lot of Jamie Oliver cooking shows with my family. And I fell in love with the idea of cooking with fresh herbs. They’re kinda pricey to buy at the supermarket so a small herb garden seemed like the best solution. Sadly student housing isn’t the best place to grow herbs so it was a dream I had to put off.
When I moved into our house in NW Arkansas I was most excited about the little garden plot out back. I could already imagine the scent of freshly grown basil, thyme & oregano {and tossing them into my dishes.} I make no claims at being an expert cook, but thanks to Pioneer Woman and Jamie Oliver I’m taking a good stab at learning.
Once I’d finished weeding and plopped the little plants into the fresh garden soil I was pretty proud of myself. What a difference!
This isn’t a DIY post because I’m far from qualified to write one. Maybe I’ll do some gardening tips posts in the future. (Once I know what I’m doing.)
I just left my little plot in Nathan’s hands while I’m in Mississippi. So excited to be here to tell Mary Anna & Caleb’s wedding story.
Leave your gardening tips and stories in the comments below!
What do you grow?
Cheers,
Sarah