I’ve had a tab open for kening zhu’s post about rituals vs. sprints for nearly a month. It reminds me about something Katherine May once said on a podcast* about the cycle of neurodivergent hyperfocus and recovery. Versus a neurotypical ideal of consistency. It’s something I am still figuring out. Having experienced burn out I find I need to be careful of flying too close to the sun. But trying to force a structure that doesn’t align with my capacity is also not right. I’d love to hear other thoughts on this.
* I can’t seem to find the podcast episode I’m talking about. 🤦
As someone with time blindness I can very easily sink time into something without realizing.
This year I’m experimenting with spreadsheets and time charts as tools to visualize time. Here is how 2025 has been looking (as of March 24.)
January
I had a lot of loops to close in January and it felt like a ton of admin. This was my first month tracking my time. The pie chart was a game changer. I started it mid month and the wedges for web & self publishing dominated the chart. It took conscious effort to put more time into personal projects to balance the chart out.
This chart visualizes how much time I spent on each creative project.
This month my biggest wedge was redesigning my website. But seeing how big the blue wedge was motivated me to make time for other things.
Web (59.0%)
Redesigning my website and migrating my newsletter to Buttondown.
Zines (21.1%)
Making Not About TETRIS and working on illustrations for a zine about the spectrum of neurodivergence. My scanner died this month and created a lot of headaches.
Other (10.3%)
Designed two self inking stamps (folks with zine subs will see these soon) and sewing patches on a denim jacket.
Mawd (4.4%)
Work on my fiction novel. I’m in an ideation phase.
My website wedge is still the largest (although I have a few days to go) based on shop and subscription migration headaches. I hope to continue making this wedge smaller over time.
Web (38.9.0%)
Moving zine subs from Big Cartel to Stripe, redoing various opt ins, migrating Neurokind to Beehiiv, archiving March blog posts, and writing for blog & newsletter.
I debated over logging this, but it is important self regulating work and part of my creative ecosystem.
Reducing Admin Time
I also did a bar chart showing the different parts of the process to see that balance.
Here you see Admin & Prep decreasing and time to Create growing from January to March.
I’m 90% sure this shift would not have happened without this visual tool. It’s too easy to get pulled into neverending admin and website tweaks. This makes me more aware.
Top Tip
I found tracking the time itself really hard until I started using the Tap When app. (Not a sponsor.) I tap when I start and tap when I finish. No math!
P.S. My spreadsheets are in no condition to officially share as a resource, but if you’d like to see the imperfect version I’m working with I’m happy to share the template for you to make your own. Just drop me a line or respond to a newsletter.
Image Credit: Prague Astronomical Clock via Wiki Commons
Season 3 is airing in March – just in time for my birthday.
If you love fantasy books like Lord of the Rings… I’d love for you to give this a watch next month and nerd out with me. Even if you haven’t read the books – the visual design and performances for this show are so stunning I’d really recommend watching first and then diving into the books.
This season is based on my favorite book in the series!
The Shadow Risingis when Wheel of Time steps away from Tolkien and starts being it’s own thing.
Half the characters travel to the desert and meet a complex warrior culture. The others go hunting down some very dangerous women. The layers build from there! I can’t even mention my two favorite parts because they are too spoilerific, but check this image out:
Don’t you want to know what’s happening there?
I’m dying to see this scene. It happens “off page” in the books. 👀
[This Clip Contains Spoilers]
If you’re a book reader (or just don’t care about spoilers) here is the first scene of Season 3. We are starting out with a bang!
What else happened this month?
Well… I completely redesigned my website. 😂
It’s still “under construction” so pardon my dust (and broken links) as you’re poking around. I hope to “unveil” the new site properly next month.
I wrote a few posts including this one about website design as worldmaking. My old website was a minimalist website (which lives on as a virtual art gallery.) But I’m letting the rest of my site be weirder and more me.
I hope it will sprawl and grow into a proper labyrinth.
I’ve been having a lot of fun with visuals and texture. But my favorite detail so far is this “page not found” design, which feels very me.
If you want to read the boring reasons about why I’m switching web & newsletter platforms I’ve written about my online ecosystem here.
I’m leveling up my zines!
This month I used a printing press to make the February zine.
You can see the process (including a timelapse video) here. You can also see a mini Wheel of Time zine I made. I’m going to print them up and leave them around town as guerrilla fan marketing. (Let me know if you’d like to do the same and I’ll share the file.)
Now that I have a printing press I’ve added a $10 tier where you can subscribe for quarterly prints as well as zines.
I’ve also realized that the time I’m spending on these zines has been growing each month. (Especially in contrast to the simple letters I started with.) So I’m phasing out pledges below $5. This means I have more freedom to play with color and multiple page zines if I’m so inspired.
I’m also stepping away from Patreon and Substack to host subscriptions on my own website.†
Everything in one spot. (Finally!)
Works in Progress
Here’s a peek at what else I’ve been working on this month.
SOFT SCULPTURE BRAIN
Nearly done with my soft sculpture brain sewn from baby clothes. I have two hemispheres complete and need to spend some time refining them and doing finishing work. (They’re a little unbalanced at the moment.)
home education rhythm
The transition from holiday chaos back to a normal routine is hard for neurodivergents. Here is how we’re finding our feet again and freedom within structure.
Now that I’m integrating my various blogs into one location my archive is much larger than I realized.
I’m planning to move the archives month by month. Motivated in part by sharing this time hop with you. Which means (if all goes to plan) I’ll be done by next February. ‡
The Compost Heap is handmade without the use of AI. 🐝
Support doing things the old fashioned way by joining my Patrons ($5) and I’ll send paper copies of my zines with the coolest postage stamps I can find.
Not into snail mail?
Here are other ways you can support.
Share with a friend. (It’s free!)
Art swap! Let me know if you’d like to swap your art for a zine.
* To share the Neuro Nest Retreat. The workshops were all recorded so you can still join in here. I’d love to have a weaving from you. (Yes, you!)
† Substack supporters will continue to be charged through Stripe. Patreon has been shut down so anyone supporting there will need to resubscribe. (You should already have emails from those platforms, but if you have any questions at all just ask.)
‡ Something I’ve learned by moving blogging platforms a couple of times is that something always goes funky. Formatting is strange. Photos are hotlinked. Multimedia elements (audio, video, embeds) are missing or broken. And hardly anything has alt text. I’m using this chance to dust all the cobwebs before making posts public.
I’ve spent a lot of creative energy on a home education rhythm that provides freedomwithin structure and so I thought I’d document it here.
DISCLAIMER: Please don’t read this post as a how to. I’m not making any suggestions or judgements for families who do things differently. Every child has their own needs and there are endless ways to home educate. This is what works for us. For now. It may change tomorrow.
Here’s a peek at our daily rhythms (watercolor clip art from Etsy).
Gentle Morning
This list is specifically curated to be things David can do after breakfast without my help. These suggestions are relatively quiet and not overstimulating as I do my morning journaling and write in my journal. Five years into parenting and I’m finally back to Julia Cameron’s morning pages.
David is an early reader so these lists work well for us. At earlier ages I used a lot more pictures. He’s not limited to this list, but it can provide a reminder of what’s possible. After the holidays he spent hours sorting sequins and buttons. It was clearly very regulating and creatively fulfilling activity. He’s only just circled back to LEGO.
Starting the Day
Sometime mid morning we’ll find our way to the proper “school” activities. Just as he is learning to respect my work (he calls my morning journaling my “handwriting”) I respect the work he is doing. Whether it is playing with LEGO or “making an invention.” We don’t start our day by the clock.
When a child is focused on a work it is important to them.
In the case of an autistic child it may also be fulfilling complex needs that are not immediately obvious.
(It’s me. I was the autistic child who’s now an autistic parent.)
Instead of suppressing neurodivergent instincts to move, to stim, to dance, to echo, to hyperfocus…
What if we really listened to our own bodies & capacities?
What if we trusted ourselves & our kids more?
Self advocacy means having autonomy to meet your own needs and pursue your own interests. That means our days are flexible and play blends into learning.
To be clear (because someone always says it) this doesn’t mean David does “what he wants” all day long.
Following the child doesn’t mean complete anarchy.
Stay with me.
Freedom within Structure
The central tenant of our home education practice is freedom within structure.
We have certain types of schoolwork that we do each day.
Within that framework David has a lot of freedom.
What emerges is a natural ebb and flow to the day. Periods of concentration and then self regulation. Handwriting then jumping on the trampoline. Math then LEGO.
I don’t mean to suggest that it’s always easy. But when we find our rhythm and everyone is well regulated there is an ease to our day.
This semester we’ve shifted Music and Español to daily (instead of weekly). I also added computer because it’s required for testing and we’re preparing for that. But we won’t be doing that every day.
Art isn’t on the list because mark making (writing and drawing) are seen as the same thing for right now. Some days we draw letters. Some days we draw numbers. Some days we draw shapes. One day for “handwriting” we drew these nested rainbow hearts together. Parallel play is a really powerful support tool.
The Power of Choice
Another opportunity for choice is how we do math or reading or handwriting. I made this list so David can choose between a handful of ways to engage with each subject.
We’re still finding our cadence with this. There are enough options we can mix things up by choosing something new each day. Or avoid repeating what we did yesterday. Our list is laminated so we can keep track.
I believe this approach (freedom within structure) encourages self directed learning that can continue throughout life. Education should kindle our interests and curiosity.
My own home education was similar. My mom was very hands on in elementary, but as I got older I was completely self directed. And I just never stopped learning. I wasn’t doing it because I had to. I was doing it because I love to learn. By the time I got to university my professors just laughed because I took electives that “didn’t count for anything.” 😂
After Lunch
We also have an afternoon list of activities he can do any time after lunch. These are often sensory reset breaks between the more structured “school work” above.
The goal is to be completely done with schoolwork before 3pm. That’s the time of day David is allowed to play Zelda (otherwise he would choose Zelda 24/7). Right now that is proving a strong enough motivation for him to persevere on the tough days.
This is how we’re navigating the tension of structure and freedom. But there’s a lot more to how we home educate. Sensory supports, field trips, gardening, baking, nature walks.
I’ve created a landing page for home education that you can browse here.
But I was already establishing coping mechanisms. Because I had no internal chronometer to distinguish between 5 minutes and 50 I would prepare for every outing far far in advance and find myself in a state of limbo unable to do anything but wait.
This is effective, but is also a black hole for both energy and time.
People with time blindness tend to be chronically early or chronically late.
It’s funny that the same internal experience can result in two such seemingly different behaviors, but it makes sense. One approach to time is a rigid controlled white knuckling. A hyperfocus that saps both time and energy from your life. The other holds on with a looser grip and time slips away.
You might construe the first stereotype as autism and the second as ADHD, but time blindness is an internal experience shared by both.
Now that I’m a mother I simply don’t have bandwidth to white knuckle my way through the day hyperfocusing on time.
I cannot wait in the car for an hour. I do not have an hour to spare.
Not to mention the chaotic element of a small human who has all sorts of urgent needs that can’t always be anticipated.
How do normal people know when to leave the house to arrive somewhere on time?
I never realized I was working SO HARD at something most people find simple.
I was obsessed with planners a few years ago. I never would have described myself as disorganized, but this was down to the fact that I relied on a series of complicated systems to keep track of the most basic things.
Like what day of the week it is. (I’m not kidding.)
When Davy was in his human goat phase I gave planners up. As a result I’ve been flying blind for 3.5 years now. During this time I have learned a few things:
First, go gentle on people who show up late and forget things. They are doing their best.
Second, I really thrive with structure and systems.
It’s impossible to overstate how much having a plan helps me.
Structure frees up my brain for other things in a way that I can only compare to breathing oxygen versus being waterboarded.
I’ve been metaphorically drowning for actual years now.
At first I thought the lesson I was meant to be learning was how to “let go” and embrace fluidity.
There is nothing less helpful you could suggest to a human whose brain needs structure.
The last few months I have been experimenting with themed days. With one focus per day my nervous system has improved dramatically. It also seems to help Davy. (We are both the type of neurodivergent who likes to know what’s coming.)
But we all need different things.
If your brain needs freedom embrace that. Don’t let people shame you and push you into a rigid structure if that doesn’t work for you.
When we’re forced to work in ways that run counter to our neurotype it’s important to recognize this is legitimately difficult for us.
Life seems determined to deal out changed plans, external deadlines, and an ungodly amount of urgent paperwork.
When this happens we should treat ourself like we’re doing something really hard (because we are.)
Without a plan my brain feels like it is on high alert all the time just trying to get through the day. Imagine a tennis player bouncing with bent legs ready to sprint in any direction*. That’s how I feel without a plan. It’s exhausting. And I am far more likely to become overstimulated.
*I know nothing about sports. But we were told to stand this way in Improv class and I quit immediately. 😂
When our nervous system is on high alert we can help ourselves by:
providing sensory support (comfortable clothes, fidgets, movement, regulating environments)
seeking comfort (a cozy blanket, a favorite book or tv show, a cup of tea)
asking for help
finding someone to work alongside us (sometimes this is called “body doubling”)
