From the Compost Heap header. A pencil style illustration of a compost heap with flowers and plants growing around it. A bee buzzes by and a white rabbit hops by.

  • Somewhere Under the Rainbow

    Not yet archived.

    Read here: https://sarahshotts.substack.com/p/somewhere-inside-the-rainbow

    Read more: Somewhere Under the Rainbow

  • Somewhere Under the Rainbow 🌈

    Wait, is this a coming out post? 🏳️‍🌈

    .

    .

    .

    Imagine standing in front of your parents or peers and “coming out” as straight.

    You spent months collecting evidence and crafting a tightly woven narrative.

    Maybe you even prepare to explain what exactly straightness is.

    That sounds ridiculous doesn’t it?

    But we still expect queer and genderqueer people to do this.

    What if we didn’t assume hetero presenting couples were straight?

    What if we didn’t assume our kids were straight?

    What if we didn’t assume we ourselves were straight?

    What if straight and cis were not the cultural default?

    Imagine space to discover for yourself who you are…

    What self expression feels aligned?

    Who do you feel a connection to?

    What type of relationships would you like to nurture in your life?

    Sketchbook with Pride flag surrounded by art supplies

    I’m queer and genderqueer.

    To be more specific: I’m ace, nonbinary, and bi-romantic. (Updated: 6/26)

    And, you know what?

    I’m not taking questions today.

    I’m still reflecting on how my nonbinary identity intersects with neurodivergence and parenthood.

    Down the road I’ll be writing more about that, but for today I am just saying…

    I am.

    This isn’t something new.

    It is new language for an old thing.

    I’ve spent a year trying to craft a narrative to hold your hand through this. I wanted to be understood. I wanted to change the hearts of anyone who felt hateful or judgmental. I wanted to say all the right things the right way in one tidy post.

    But then I realized… that’s not my job.

    I’m not suddenly your queer educator.

    I’m new to this community. I’m still learning myself.

    If you are confused or curious and want to learn more about gender I recommend this brilliant podcast with Alok Vaid-Menon. You can also follow them on Instagram.

    Rainbow of colored pencils on top of a sketchbook surrounded by art supplies

    We need visibility now more than ever.

    I’m doing this for every queer and trans kid who doesn’t feel safe to do so.

    I know sharing this is going to run some people off. I’ve noticed that people have a tendency to assume my values align with theirs. For what it’s worth, our family’s church is LGBTQ+ affirming. We have been for 5 years.

    Sketchbook with rainbow surrounded by art supplies

    When I first wrote this post I had paragraphs and paragraphs dedicated to the people who would disapprove. I deleted it all and wrote a cheeky footnote instead. 😂

    Setting Boundaries

    • I am not inviting debate, disagreement, or criticism today.
    • You are free to leave without announcing yourself.
    • I am not your queer educator. If you are confused please listen to the podcast episode linked above.

    If you can’t say something kind don’t say anything at all.

    Whatever your faith or values I hope we can agree that humans should be treated with kindness and respect.

    To say that I’m a rainbow 🌈

    I’m not sure I got the tone quite right, but any other tone would be inauthentic. I’m convicted to share this, but if I’m also feeling nervous.

    If you have the time I’d love for you to listen to this wistful, hopeful song by queer and genderqueer artist dodie clark. I find it resonates on so many levels including how I experience the world as an autistic person.

    .

    I was brought up in a line
    But I seem to walk in circles
    It’s getting hard to navigate
    When every map was never made for me
    And I thought it would feel good
    To understand why I was different
    But my title just talks over me
    I never even asked to be this way

    But to say that I’m a rainbow
    To tell me that I’m bright
    When I’m so used to feeling wrong
    Well, it makes me feel alright

    Rainbow by dodie

    My pronouns are they/them.

    It may feel awkward at first, but you probably use a singular they without even thinking about it.

    Imagine you saw a car run a red light, but you didn’t know who was driving.

    You would say, “They just ran a red light!”

    If you don’t know any other genderqueer people please practice using they/them with me.

    I would also ask that you not refer to me as woman, lady, girl, miss, or ma’am.

    If you slip up the best practice is the same thing you would do if you called your child by the wrong name. Correct it and move on. You don’t have to make a big deal about it. Just restate what you meant to say and keep going. It’s really okay. Everyone mixes up language sometimes. We appreciate the effort.

    If you are questioning or closeted my inbox is always open. 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

    I don’t have all the answers, but I’m happy to hold space and be a safe person for you now or in the future. ❤️

    Sarah signed with a swoopy S
    footnotes

    * I deleted everything I wrote about growing up as an evangelical preacher’s kid and decided to post this song instead. 😂

    At the time of writing this we were attending an Episcopal church, but we are now members of Good Shepherd Lutheran (locally known as “the gay church”).

    ** My original post had they/she pronouns and didn’t include bi-romantic. I’ve updated those to avoid confusion.

    Originally published on Substack, June 16, 2023.

    Read more: Somewhere Under the Rainbow 🌈

  • I’m not a brand. I’m a human.

    Last year I took two big marketing classes by brilliant teachers and I’ve decided to ignore some of their biggest advice.

    Entering my Human Era.

    I’ve decided to stop trying to be a cohesive “brand.”

    Is this a bad idea? Possibly.

    Would I grow faster if I followed branding advice? Assuredly.

    But it is not for me.

    Over the years I have taken dozens of marketing classes for my many creative pursuits: marketing for wedding photography, marketing for bloggers, marketing for artists, marketing for – – yes, this was an actual class – – weirdos. (That one was actually pretty cool and I would honestly recommend, but I’m still ignoring one of the main lessons.)

    What they all have in common is a bit of homework to describe your business in 3 words (usually in the form of a Venn diagram.)

    So I carve parts of my identity away like Cinderella’s sisters trying to fit into the the glass slipper.*

    Black and white illustration of Cinderella with the price fitting the shoe onto Cinderella

    I love a bit of homework. So I go about this bit of self mutilation quite happily choosing fonts and color palettes that best fit one facet of my persona. 

    I think I’m a decade into online marketing classes at this point. Because I’ve been doing this for a while it has become almost second nature. I don’t even question it.

    “Branding” is just… how it’s done.

    After all it’s not that different than the autistic masking I’ve done all my life. Like many autistics I often find my place in social circles by adding “value.” So this concept was something I am well accustomed to. The homework assignment felt like a no brainer. Show people the stuff they want to see.

    Don’t talk about Dungeons and Dragons in polite company.

    I fragmented my identity into the bits that were marketable. Sometimes I might even create two completely separate “brands.” I did this for marketing reasons, but also to appear less “scattered”, “unfocused”, or “flaky”. I see now that I was trying to hide neurodivergent traits that are classically associated with ADHD.

    Right after my masters degree I splintered into two people. The creative one and the geeky one.

    I started a wedding photography business inspired by vintage books. Meanwhile I was making quirky YouTube videos as one half of Swot Sisters. I’ve never found a way for those parts of myself to really inhabit the same space. Even last year I started two separate Substacks.

    An artsy Substack to talk about creativity. And a geeky space themed Substack to talk about neurodivergence (while weaving in lots of Star Trek and Doctor Who references.)

    I finally merged them last month.

    Over the years I’ve gone through a variety of rebrands. But I never found a “brand” that didn’t pinch like wearing a too small pair of shoes.

    Then something extraordinary happened. 

    Even as I lost people who thought I was a flibbertigibbet.*

    I found myself surrounded by YOU. Curious, creative souls who don’t seem to mind (or actually like it?) when I color outside the lines, show the mess, or pilot the spaceship at breakneck speeds. 

    Buckle your seatbelt because it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

    I am done with chopping off pieces of myself to appear more “professional.” I’m ready to put on my Frizzle jumpsuit and get messy!

    Ms. Frizzle from Magic School Bus in three outfits all illustrated with outlandish science inspired designs

    Moving forward you can expect more complexity, more mess, and more contradictory humanity here.

    I’m a human who:

    • makes art
    • writes fiction
    • self publishes books
    • reads sci fi & fantasy
    • teaches theatre at university
    • plays video games
    • home educates
    • bakes sourdough bread
    • tends a messy garden

    Who knows what may bubble up next?

    SPOILER ALERT

    This post went viral and is now available in zine form.

    Black and white zine. I'm not a brand I'm a human. By Sarah Shotts. Made on a typewriter.

    Cheers,

    Sarah signed with a swoopy S

    Read more: I’m not a brand. I’m a human.

  • How I Survived My First Author Event

    Last week I attended NWA Book Fest… my first appearance as an author. Indeed my first gathering of any kind since COVID times. I wanted to take some time to share about that experience.

    I’m attempting a bit of writing today while Davy “types” on his new keyboard and iPad app.

    I was so busy the week before I didn’t have any time to be nervous. I practiced my reading a time or two, installed the Square Up app to take credit card payments, and put my books in a box.

    There was a little bit of scheduling confusion and the event was running early so I was rushed right onto stage within minutes of showing up.

    (Not ideal for an autistic. I’m not gonna lie.)

    I also expected to be introduced and had only prepared for a reading. Somehow I managed to introduce myself and my book without rehearsal. I think its down to how often I have talked about my book online. Maybe it does get easier with practice. I wouldn’t say I’m captivating, but I did it.

    Right after my reading I had a group of blogger friends show up to hear me. They just missed me because of the schedule kerfuffle, but we took a photo anyway.

    Five women and a nonbinary author standing against a white brick wall smiling. It's chilly weather so we are all in various sweaters and jean jackets. Three are wearing sunglasses. I am holding my book.

    Then I did a short signing and sold 4 books. 🥳

    (Shout out to my friend Lori Lynn who served as my “emotional support extrovert” and helped me make small talk at my signing table.)

    It was really nice to see people respond to my book in real time. One woman immediately connected my book to The Artist’s Way which completely made my day. So thankful to everyone who dropped by to take a look.

    Some lessons I learned and will be adding to my self publishing course:

    • Print a QR code to purchase the ebook. (My hardcover is a deluxe edition and more people might have purchased the digital bundle at a lower price point.)
    • Print my Venmo code. (Spelling it out did not seem to work.)
    • Have something to hold business cards / stickers so they don’t blow away.
    • Probably bring a book holder as well. The books kept tumbling off the table and one or two may be damaged.

    Here is actual footage of me after the event. 😂

    (That’s Odo from Star Trek Deep Space Nine.)

    It took a lot out of me.

    I realized that this simple brief appearance pushed me to the edge of my capacity and I definitely should NOT sign up for longer events any time soon. (After two hours I felt the way I normally do after a whole convention. )

    I believe this is due to…

    • More sensory overload on a daily basis from parenting.
    • Diminished social capacity due to socializing with my toddler 24/7. (I’m just going to call him toddler till he turns 4, ok?)
    • Not going to any events for 3-4 years during early motherhood / COVID times. I am both out of practice at masking and have no desire to return to that level of social performance.

    Not only am I “re-entering” the world after COVID lockdowns, but I’m also learning how I want to show up as an autistic human. What does it mean to attend events without pressuring myself to mask (performing excitement, facial expressions, small talk, etc.)?

    Even so I was pretty wiped out afterwards. Here is how I reset the next day:

    • Time alone in the studio. I laid on the daybed and watched Netflix for an hour and then made a collage.
    • Time with Davy in the backyard.
    • A long walk with a podcast.
    • Reading in the bath.
    • Playing Cozy Grove with Davy. (More on that below.)

    I’m still pretty tired, but I feel more or less human again. If I hadn’t been able to take that time I would have stayed in a perpetually burned out / shut down kind of state.

    I still struggle with taking time for myself as a parent, but when I do I am reminded of how powerful and restorative it can be.

    Of shoes & ships & sealing wax

    Other bits & bobs to recommend this week.

    Play

    First off, I have rediscovered Cozy Grove. I played this a couple of years ago on my phone, but we just purchased it for the Nintendo Switch and I have been playing with Davy.

    It’s a really cute and relaxing game.

    You’re a scout marooned on an island haunted by (cute) bear ghosts. You run around the island finding things for them and helping them restore their memories. You can also fish and bake and craft and garden. The music and artistic style sets such an atmosphere. Have a peek.

    I’ve heard it’s kind of like Animal Crossing, but in my opinion is cuter and more fun. (I tried Animal Crossing after finishing this game the first time and didn’t connect with it.) If you’re a casual gamer and just looking for a way to relax would really recommend Cozy Grove. 🥰

    Read

    The blog post of the week for me was How to Be a Good Assistant to Yourself by Austin Kleon.

    Muse

    This post by @worry__lines on Instagram is really good food for thought.

    TOO Many Tabs

    I’ve invented this section as inspiration to browse and close the tabs I keep open on Safari. I am always dangerously close to the 500 tab limit. Hopefully these creative breadcrumbs offer some inspiration.

    Illustration

    I absolutely love this 1970’s edition of The Sword in the Stone illustrated by Alan Lee. Merlin’s cottage has always been evocative for me and this is just how I’ve imagined it.

    Vintage paperback cover of Sword in the Stone by T.H. White with art by Alan Lee. Merlin is instructing Arthur who sits at his feet. They are in Merlin's cottage which is filled with ephemera of wizardry including an armillary sphere, an owl, a skull, and a crocodile hanging from the ceiling. The whole cottage is crammed full of objects.

    I made this discovery while looking for images of my teacher muses for home educating. A few weeks later I bought a copy from ABE Books so I really don’t need this tab open anymore.

    Word Nerd

    Etaoin shrdlu was used as a “red flag by typesetters to show an error in text, but sometimes it was overlooked and made it into print.” It is the approximate order of frequency of the 12 most commonly used letters in the English language.” via The Dusty Wheel

    —

    Wait, this is real?

    This tab was open because I saw this butterfly on Instagram and didn’t believe it was real. Fact check!

    It is indeed an orange oak leaf. Perfectly camouflaged on the outside with brilliant colorful wings when open.

    Well that was effective! Maybe I’ll do this again. What do you think?

    Thanks for reading!

    I’d love to hear what you connected with and have a chat in comments.

    Cheers,

    Sarah signed with a swoopy S
    Read more: How I Survived My First Author Event

  • Regenerating and Recovering

    Not yet archived.

    Read here: https://sarahshotts.substack.com/p/regenerating-and-recovering

    Read more: Regenerating and Recovering

  • More Reaching Than Rooting

    Gray green rabbit hopping over the text "down the rabbit hole" in a typewriter font

    First off, a quick update for local folks!

    I’ll be attending my very first book festival as a self published author this Saturday! I’ll be doing a reading and signing at NWA Book Fest and would love to see you there! It feels surreal and I’m not sure I quite believe it’s real yet.

    Find all the festival information here. (Catch me on the main stage at 2:30pm).

    in the studio header

    A peek into my creative process and current works in progress.

    This week I’ve had more “reaching” energy than “rooting.”

    Along with preparing for the festival I’ve also applied to two more art exhibitions at Spilt Milk Gallery and The Anthropology of Motherhood.

    You can download either of these printables (Reach & Root or 100 Submissions) here.

    100 Submissions printable has a willow tree on top and gold stars in the first three boxes. A date stamp and keys also sit on the desk.

    I recorded a podcast episode with Kiki from Heiter Magazine. (Coming your way in April.) Podcast interviews take a lot of energy so I am experimenting with quarterly guests this year. In the past I’ve tried weekly or monthly and that has been too much. This is part of my seasonal planning approach and slowing down to find my own pace.

    I’m also undertaking a just-for-fun puppet alteration project for a Wheel of Time parody contest. I haven’t done any crafting or fan art in a really long time so this has been fun.

    Also Davy is fascinated.

    Maybe I’ll share a peek at that next week.

    of shoes and ships and sealing wax header

    Other bits and bobs I’d like to recommend…

    Watch

    “I used to think that art had to begreat to be worthwhile. Now, I only think it has to be to be worthwhile.” John Green. Maybe Art Only Needs to Be. Feb 21, 2023.

    Me too, John, me too.

    Listen

    The On Being podcast is BACK and I am loving it! These two episodes were amazing.

    Janine Benyus Biomimicry, an Operating Manual for Earthlings on natural organisms as mentors and peers… learning from them rather than about them.

    And Rick Rubin Magic, Everyday Mystery, and Getting Creative. I have SO MANY quotes from this one because I listened while parked in the car while Davy napped:

    • “The real practice of the artist is a way of being in the world.”
    • “It’s hard for me to finish projects because I always see the possibilities of what else we could try and I want to try everything…”
    • “What I came to realize is that there is a time for this open play. And it’s in those first two parts of the process, the seed phase… and experimenting.”
    • “By working with sensitive artists, we resonate together in that we’re feeling things that not everybody else is feeling.”
    • “There is no connection between the amount of time invested and how good something is.”
    • “The sustainable part of the practice is: start with things that are easy to do.”

    Read

    Reflections on shapeshifting and reframing “scattered” by Cody Cook-Parrott

    That’s all for this week, but I’d love to know what you’re up to.

    Feel free to drop a link or comment below.

    Cheers,

    Sarah signed with a swoopy S
    Read more: More Reaching Than Rooting

  • Making 360 VR with a 3 year old collaborator ✨

    Gray green rabbit hopping over the text "down the rabbit hole" in a typewriter font

    Hullo all,

    I’m playing with the structure a bit here. Trying out categories rather than themed emails. I’m also bringing back some old themes long time supporters may recognize.

    Let me know what you think.

    I haven’t had much studio time this month unless you count making Number Block counting beads with Davy and the 3 hour masterclass I took from Amie McNee & Jimmy Winestock.

    A peek into my creative process and an update on my collection, This is my Brain on Motherhood.

    This week I’m sharing a sneak peek at a 360 VR piece I made in December. It’s taken a while to work out how to share this online.

    Still frame of 360 VR experience. A white play button floats over a nursery. Dark red yarn is strung around the room.

    UNRAVEL

    2023 / VR 360
    An immersive experience demonstrating my internal experience of motherhood.
    As an autistic parent my brain does not prune synaptic pathways. This means to process information I often have to unravel a tangle of connected thoughts among sensory input, memories, and connections most people would overlook.

    There are two ways to experience this work.

    • If you have the YouTube app you can experience this work in VR here. Just moving your phone to look around. Please select HD by tapping the cog or it will load super blurry. 🫣
    • Don’t have the YouTube app? Here’s a simulation of how it looks in 3D.
    • Or you browse still photographs here.

    Curious about the process? Here’s a timelapse.

    This piece was inspired by a piece of writing by Hayley Dunlop which reminded me of doing this as a child. It was purely creative play at the time. I later revisited this process in directing class when I was asked to “completely transform the space.”

    Hayley’s writing connected this memory to neurodivergent thought patterns which immediately made me want to create this with Davy.

    Working alongside him added all sorts of layers – both layers of meaning – and literal pools of knots (which were never part of my previous efforts.) 😂

    of shoes and ships and sealing wax header in typwriter font

    Other bits and bobs I’d like to recommend this week.

    • Katherine May’s podcast How We Live Now with Priya Parker – This is a chat about gathering well and drawing the lines we need around different social events and communities. I couldn’t have listened to this as a better time as I had been struggling with the Code of Conduct for my membership program and this gave me all the confidence to go with my gut. I’ve also ordered Priya’s book (affiliate link) which happens to have a gorgeous watercolor cover.
    • We’ve subscribed to the newspaper for the first time ever and I loved this article about artist Thaddeus Mosley.
    • Waiting for a quiet moment to enjoy this studio tour…

    I also admired these shadows.

    Windy stick casts shadows on white studio wall

    Minor updates March 2025 to correct links and images.

    Read more: Making 360 VR with a 3 year old collaborator ✨

  • One Year of Magic ✨

    Black and white diptych shows two photographs. One shows a child sitting in a shopping cart with cowboy boots fallen to the floor beneath. The other shows a mother's feet beside a pram on a walk.

    I’ve been a photographer for as long as I can remember. Even as a kid I was drawn to photographing trees and birds and cowboy boots lined up beside the swimming pool. But somehow I had never tried a long term photo-a-day project.

    That is until Claire Venus proposed a year long creative collaboration. We would exchange photos of our every day life each day for one year.

    Black and white diptych shows two photographs of children playing with toys including plastic dinosaurs and DUPLO LEGO blocks.

    We started the project without a name, but very quickly found magic in the mundanity. Little moments of synchronicity between the Northwest of Arkansas and the Northeast of England.

    I also noticed how well this form of connection suited my neurodivergence. The structured project soon became a container for friendship to grow. Life and art bled into each other.

    Soon after we started the project my family traveled out of state for my son’s autism evaluation. And it felt like Claire was right there beside me – even an ocean away. We began to chat about the beauty and the hard things of motherhood, neurodivergence, and creativity.

    Black and white diptych shows two photographs. One shows a child size teacup with spilled milk. The other shows a mother and child's hands with small pinecones.

    The project also sharpened my artist eye. To the beauty around me. The magic in the mess. In my creative ecosystem framework I call this creative oxygen.

    It’s also become a self regulation tool. Pausing to compose a photo was just what I needed when things broke or the milk spilled (again) or the room had become a complete mess.

    We talked about this a bit when I interviewed Claire on the podcast.

    Black and white diptych shows two photographs. One shows a child in a crib looking out at soft toys thrown out. The other shows a child emptying pebbles out of rainboots.

    We’re in the final days of exchanging photos now and I can’t believe this project is coming to and end. Right now I’m working out logistics for how to curate and exhibit this work. (I’ll keep you updated.)

    Black and white diptych shows two photographs. One shows an illuminated geodesic dome with father and child in silhouette. The other shows a small child standing above a kitchen sink in silhouette.

    If you want more magic you should definitely follow Claire’s Substack. She writes about creativity, slow living, and work life balance. She recently posted her reflection of this project here.

    Black and white diptych shows two photographs. One is a small child under a blanket with an AAC device illuminating their face. Another is a child in a sunbeam covering their face.

    To celebrate the completion of the Magic Mundane I’m hosting a little giveaway over on Substack chat. Enter to win a copy of my book Discover Your Creative Ecosystem and Claire’s Creativity Island for Mums. 🥰

    Creativity Island for Mums art journal shows a mum and child illustrated in yellow and pink laying on the grass surrounded by golden leaves
    Discover Your Creative Ecosystem by Sarah Shotts has the silhouette of a bird in flight with a landscape shown beyond. It sits on a wooden table with autumnal leaves around it.

    Cheers,

    Sarah signed with a swoopy S

    P.S. Keep the magic going by using the hashtag #themagicmundane on Instagram.

    Black and white diptcyh. One shows a mother's sock feet standing over a child moving a LEGO DUPLO train on a rag rug. Another shows a child reaching into a basket of LEGO DUPLO.
    Read more: One Year of Magic ✨

  • How it Feels to Be Time Blind ⏳

    Growing up I had no idea I was time blind.

    But I was already establishing coping mechanisms. Because I had no internal chronometer to distinguish between 5 minutes and 50 I would prepare for every outing far far in advance and find myself in a state of limbo unable to do anything but wait.

    This is effective, but is also a black hole for both energy and time.

    Doctor Who says "People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff."

    People with time blindness tend to be chronically early or chronically late.

    It’s funny that the same internal experience can result in two such seemingly different behaviors, but it makes sense. One approach to time is a rigid controlled white knuckling. A hyperfocus that saps both time and energy from your life. The other holds on with a looser grip and time slips away.

    You might construe the first stereotype as autism and the second as ADHD, but time blindness is an internal experience shared by both.

    White Rabbit from Disney's Alice in Wonderland hopping frantically with an oversized pocket watch

    Now that I’m a mother I simply don’t have bandwidth to white knuckle my way through the day hyperfocusing on time.

    I cannot wait in the car for an hour. I do not have an hour to spare.

    Not to mention the chaotic element of a small human who has all sorts of urgent needs that can’t always be anticipated.

    How do normal people know when to leave the house to arrive somewhere on time?

    I never realized I was working SO HARD at something most people find simple.

    I was obsessed with planners a few years ago. I never would have described myself as disorganized, but this was down to the fact that I relied on a series of complicated systems to keep track of the most basic things.

    Lorelai Gilmore sits at kitchen table with laptop and says "Tomorrow at 10:00 Roz darling?"

    Like what day of the week it is. (I’m not kidding.)

    When Davy was in his human goat phase I gave planners up. As a result I’ve been flying blind for 3.5 years now. During this time I have learned a few things:

    First, go gentle on people who show up late and forget things. They are doing their best.

    Second, I really thrive with structure and systems.

    It’s impossible to overstate how much having a plan helps me.

    Structure frees up my brain for other things in a way that I can only compare to breathing oxygen versus being waterboarded.

    I’ve been metaphorically drowning for actual years now.

    Alice in a bottle floating in a sea of her own tears

    At first I thought the lesson I was meant to be learning was how to “let go” and embrace fluidity.

    There is nothing less helpful you could suggest to a human whose brain needs structure.

    The last few months I have been experimenting with themed days. With one focus per day my nervous system has improved dramatically. It also seems to help Davy. (We are both the type of neurodivergent who likes to know what’s coming.)

    But we all need different things.

    If your brain needs freedom embrace that. Don’t let people shame you and push you into a rigid structure if that doesn’t work for you.

    When we’re forced to work in ways that run counter to our neurotype it’s important to recognize this is legitimately difficult for us.

    Life seems determined to deal out changed plans, external deadlines, and an ungodly amount of urgent paperwork.

    When this happens we should treat ourself like we’re doing something really hard (because we are.)

    Without a plan my brain feels like it is on high alert all the time just trying to get through the day. Imagine a tennis player bouncing with bent legs ready to sprint in any direction*. That’s how I feel without a plan. It’s exhausting. And I am far more likely to become overstimulated.

    Professional tennis players

    *I know nothing about sports. But we were told to stand this way in Improv class and I quit immediately. 😂

    When our nervous system is on high alert we can help ourselves by:

    • providing sensory support (comfortable clothes, fidgets, movement, regulating environments)
    • seeking comfort (a cozy blanket, a favorite book or tv show, a cup of tea)
    • asking for help
    • finding someone to work alongside us (sometimes this is called “body doubling”)
    • rewarding our own efforts (treat yo’self)

    I could say more, but I’ve run out of time. 😂😂😂

    Read more: How it Feels to Be Time Blind ⏳

  • Intentional Inconsistency

    Holding 3 years of motherhood journals.

    The very idea that inconsistency is something to practice may fly in the face of everything you’ve ever heard.

    It’s certainly the antithesis of what Julia Cameron prescribes in her book The Artist’s Way.*

    *I actually love this book, but her specific creative process hasn’t been a good fit for me since my kid was born.

    UK edition of The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron surrounded by blue art supplies: paints, pencils, pastels, thread and and brushes.

    During my autism evaluation the psychologist noted that I was an “all in” person. I was drowning in commitments and my evaluator suggested I try practicing inconsistency. I was completely blind to having that choice.

    My brain only sees “do” or “do not.” (I would be an excellent Jedi Master.)

    Yoda jedi master

    Its been a very long and slow process to begin shifting this.

    That’s why I call it a practice. I mean that in the same way someone has a yoga practice or a gratitude practice. Inconsistency is something I’m actively working to cultivate in my daily life.

    Photograph of dictionary definition of practice: actual performance or application of knowledge, repeated or customary action, usage, habit

    Because of this tendency I avoid “don’t break the chain” mindset like the plague. I’ve fallen under its spell many times and its pretty ugly. I could chain 300 days and if I miss a day its all over for me.

    That broken chain feels worse than starting from zero.

    My best defense is to embrace inconsistency. To invite it in.

    When I was journaling as a new mum I was often faced with the option to sleep or to write. And, in my maternal wisdom, I knew that Julia was wrong.

    Art is important, but sleep is number one.

    Here I am three years later.

    I’m celebrating 916 journal pages during the first three years of motherhood. (189 of those were using a simple daily check in you can download here.)

    I broke the chain many times.

    I chose sleep, and baths, and yes sometimes even Stranger Things.

    And I don’t regret it.

    Because I was intentionally inconsistent this isn’t a failure. It’s a win. It’s me taking care of myself and my creative ecosystem.

    Those 673 pages would not exist without taking this approach. (The same goes for writing my books by the way. That process was also wildly inconsistent.)

    So here I am with a fist full of journal inserts (it is pretty satisfying they all match, isn’t it?)

    Holding a handful of journal inserts over a seafoam bedspread. The top one is wrinkled and slightly chewed.

    …one of which was nibbled by my child when they were in the human goat phase. 😂

    Black and white photo of an infant chewing on my journal entry. I think this was a month or two before they started walking so almost a toddler, but not quite.

    This taste for paper is part of why I found journaling time hard to come by. I’m writing more these days, but I still want to hold this practice with a loose grip.

    How do you feel about consistency? Love it or hate it?

    Ok, it sounds like my child has waken up grumpy from their nap so my quiet time is all used up.

    Until next time,

    Sarah signed with a swoopy S

    P.S. If you resonated this blog post you may enjoy the ramble podcast I recorded on the same topic.

    Originally published to Substack on Jun 17, 2022.

    Read more: Intentional Inconsistency