When people see my writing or art they often ask me “How do you have the time?”
I make because I must.
My brain is a very busy place. Making is one of the only things that turns spiraling thoughts “off.” When I get into monotropic flow everything melts away and all that exists is the art. As I create my nervous system comes back to center.
This month I’ve spent over 14 hours designing a rainbow zine. 🌈
I was intuitively drawn to this process because my brain needed the reset time to balance out the stress of book launch.
I followed my intuition because I have learned to trust it.
This work may look frivolous, but it is deeply important.
The next time you have an impulse to do something that you consider a “waste of time” notice how you feel before and after. It may be a powerful regulation tool that you’ve been made to feel guilty for.
Can anyone relate? 🐝🌼🌙🚕
This text is adapted from my September zine.
I posted behind-the-scenes last week, but since then I’ve decided that I can’t punch holes into these compositions. So I’ll save the whole punch idea for next month.
I’m running out of toner after test printing so these may not arrive until October.
Because these are so ink heavy so I’m making a limited run of 20.
If you’d like to claim one just hit reply to let me know.
Cheers,
P.S. I almost didn’t send a newsletter this week because I felt like I “didn’t have time” to write one. Then I realized I’d already written this. Sometimes I make things harder than they need to be.
Not long ago, I got tunnel vision on admin for my creative work and wasn’t allowing myself time for joy.
I’m not sure how it is for neurotypicals, but for autistic people (and neurodivergent humans more broadly), our interests are a very powerful tool for regulation. Times when I made didn’t make time for autistic joy were dangerous for my mental health and I went to a very dark place.
Allowing myself to do things that are “just” for pure joy has been very hard to do in my adult life. Mainstream culture is always pressing us to be productive, to monetize our interests, and to start side hustles.
Creative work often comes with a large helping of screen based admin that is more draining than life giving. I try to keep things in balance, but it has been a LOT of computer time during book launch.
So WoT Con could not have come at a better time.
Leaving behind my responsibilities to be a hard core fan freak for a week is so life giving. I hung out with my WoT friends, we sang together, we ate together, we paraded around in costumes, and we stayed up talking til 2 or 3 in the morning.*
(I’m seriously questioning at this point if I am even introverted, or just drained by normies. I am seriously hyped!!)
While I was at WoT Con, I also had the chance to show the How it Feels to Me proof to nearly 100 people, many of whom read it cover to cover. There’s nothing like placing your art in someone’s hands and seeing their face light up.
It was low key the best launch party an author could ask for. 😭
I’m more excited than ever to get these books out to you and to schedule some book tour events. (I’m taking launch VERY slowly due to my chronic illnesses, but it is proving very difficult to pace myself when I am so excited.)
Meanwhile Gracie has been hard at work formatting each edition (we have FIVE!) and we will start fulfilling orders next week. We have fewer than 10 signed bookplates left so if you want one of those be sure to order a hardcover ASAP.
If you preordered and have not confirmed your address now is the time to do so. I need you to use the official form so I have everything in one place, but if you can’t find the form please let me know.
There was a time I thought that being “professional” meant niching myself down and cutting away all the weird parts of me.
But it turns out those are my best bits.
Allowing myself to be louder about my interests has helped me make deeper friendships and be more authentic in my life.
Whatever you love, it deserves to take up space.
If you’re reading this by email hit reply and let me know what gives you neurodivergent joy. 💫
Cheers,
P.S. I’ve hidden a great serpent ring somewhere on my website as part of my cabinet of curiosities. It is a photograph of a silver ring and it is on one of my main website pages – not a blog post. If you find it send me an email and I’ll send you a surprise via snail mail. Once I finish book launch maybe I’ll finish hiding the rest of the curiosities.
FOOTNOTES
* Yes, we are still going strong even after the show was cancelled. This fandom has been around since before the show and it will continue long after. I’ve written about Wheel of Time fandom before. If you want to hear more about it you can read my posts tagged #wheeloftime.
** Which is a measure against self publishing bias.
I have a love hate relationship with the children’s museum. The exhibits are so cool and interactive. But the acoustics are difficult and when there are large groups of children it can quickly become very overstimulating.
This week we noticed a lot people seemed to be out of town on vacation. So we tried the science museum – only to find a large group of summer campers.
This creates a lot of sensory input.
Visually tracking darting children in bright matching t shirts
Auditory overload with overlapping screams and noises
Tactile overload from being brushed against and overheated
Social overwhelm from taking in the complex social dynamics in a large group
Because the overstimulation is whole body experience noise cancelling headphones alone don’t usually seem to help.
But last week a friend in Australia mailed me a Vibrant Hummingbird Sensory pendant created by a neurodivergent family to help regulate overstimulated nervous systems.
When I pressed the button I noticed an immediate calming effect on my nervous system.
But I also knew I was lucky to be holding it.
I spent weeks looking for a similar product in the US and couldn’t find one.
When I got home from the museum I emailed Vibrant Hummingbird asking if it would be possible to stock the sensory pendants for US customers on my author website. And they said yes! So…
I’m taking preorders on my website!
I don’t usually sell other people’s products, but I wanted more people to have access to this support tool. We hope this collaboration helps more people access Vibrant Hummingbird Pendants at an affordable cost.
Both neurodivergent folks and professionals alike have told us how much this book resonated with them.
Here are some of the highlights!
Are you a teacher?
We are seeking additional reviews from K-12 educators. If you’d like to read the book and potentially write a blurb please reach out. Thanks to the art teachers who already have!
That’s all for today! Gracie & I are busy at work on the next proof integrating beta reader feedback and copy edits. We’re on track to finish the book by late summer.
If you haven’t preordered yet you still can.
You can also donate a book to a library or school.
I’m an autistic adult with hypermobillity (recently diagnosed with hEDS) and home educating parent of an autistic child. I’ve experienced pain with handwriting my whole life and thought it was normal or my fault for holding the pen “wrong” when my joints are actually genetically different and need more support.
I’ve spent the last year testing out pencil grips and handwriting supports for myself and my neurodivergent child. I started with those egg shaped grips above and found they weren’t helpful at all.
Here are my favorites and the pros and cons of each choice.
The following are affiliate links. I bought these at Amazon so I was able to test and return the grips that didn’t work for me. I wrote more about why Amazon can be essential for some disabled, chronically ill, and neurodivergent people here.
P.S. After writing this post YouTube showed me this video of Taylor Swift using an alternative tripod grip because of hypermobile hands. Maybe I’ll try it out!
Are you new here?
You can see more of my posts about neurodivergence here. I’m newly diagnosed with hEDS, MCAS & POTS and will be sharing resources as I find them. The best way to keep in touch is my email newsletter or subscribing to my blog via RSS.
FOOTNOTES
* I found this after the video and ordered it for further testing. I’m looking for a supportive pen that takes normal size pen refills. If you have a favorite let me know!
Did you know that most people don’t notice the feeling of clothing tags?
I used to think that everyone felt the same itchy irritation I did, and that I was just worse at coping.
But, when I started researching sensory processing to support my own child, I learned something life shattering.
I wasn’t worse at coping.
I was experiencing the world differently.
Sensory modulation is the brain’s way of balancing sensory input.
Consider how a pupil dilates or constricts to let in the right amount of light. Brains can change the intensity at which we experience sensations. They turn down senses evaluated as “unimportant” so you can better focus on a single input.
This isn’t a conscious choice. It is something that happens for most people with the same ease as a pupil dilating when you step into a dark room.
If you’re listening to someone, you probably don’t need to feel that clothing tag in the back of your shirt, to hear the lightbulb buzzing, or to taste the perfume of the person next to you.
Due to sensory modulation most brains wouldn’t even feel those things.
Meanwhile, neurodivergent brains may feel things so intensely that we can’t hear what the person next to us is saying. Or we may hear them, but it is a struggle that leaves us overstimulated and exhausted.
Our brains are simply processing much more information.
Check out this brain scan of an autistic brain (left) versus a non autistic brain (right).
Image Credit: schneider lab §
These scans were taken while the participants were processing spoken language. The non autistic brain is using sensory modulation to focus on the speaker’s voice. While the autistic brain is taking in lots of additional information.
This is why “exposure therapy” is not appropriate for neurodivergence.
Our brains are simply working differently.
Different isn’t bad.
Even if some people want us to believe so.
Brains with sensory processing differences can observe connections that others can’t. This is a unique skill set to bring to problem solving, art, science, and activism.
The world needs neurodivergent brains.
And we all need to better understand them.
That’s why I teamed up with Gracie Klumpp to co-create a picture book about neurodivergence and sensory modulation. This is the book we wish that we’d had as autistic kids.
We’re in the final stages of copy editing and proofing and can’t wait to share this with you. Books will arrive this summer!
I’ve had a lot of messages tentatively asked me if this book could also help adults.
So let me say it loud and clear… YES!
We believe picture books are for everyone and welcome readers of ALL AGES.
Support needs are not something you outgrow.
This is something Gracie indicates beautifully by including adults, teens, and children in the illustrations.
If you’d like to support the project you can also donate a copy and we’ll find your book a home (like a library, school, or with a neurodivergent family.)
We want to partner with educators, writers, occupational therapists, speech therapists, neurodivergent adults, and affirming mental health professionals to read the book and consider writing a blurb (a short quote) for marketing materials.
I’m also in the early stages of building a launch team to help spread the word.
If you’re interested (or know someone who might be) send me an email.
Much love to everyone who has supported the project so far.
Over the last decade I have been neuroqueering my creative practice. Setting aside neurotypical, able bodied, and capitalist expectations for consistency, branding, and profit like the ill fitting shoes they are.*
Looking back, the times in my life I was rigidly consistent I was run deeply outside my own capacity, which over time took a toll on my health (both mental and physical.)
Allowing my creative projects to fluctuate with my capacity, as a chronically ill autistic caregiver means that they ebb & flow. Seasons when my time and energetic capacity expand so does my creative practice. When I am experiencing a pain flare or focusing on caregiving challenges my projects shift into dormancy or ideation.
Having many different mediums means there is always something to fit my capacity.
I NEED ART TO LIVE.
Art is how I self regulate, how I co-regulate with my child, and how I process lived experience and the world around me.
Without art I go to a dark place.
For years, I had inflexible routines and self imposed deadlines that did not serve me. But the newly discovered fluidity of my creative ecosystem has allowed me to flourish in unexpected ways.
This meander map is based on my 2025 Artist’s Log which tracked the time spent on each creative project over the course of the year.
These undulating ribbons represent the four main streams of creativity I pursued in 2025.
Yellow: visual art
Green: self publishing and writing
Blue: redesigning website & blogging
Purple: zines
The process of crafting these prints took several months. Calculating stats, making a graph, drafting the meanders, testing printmaking techniques, paper & inks, creating collagraph plates with unraveling cotton twine, and printing each plate onto wet paper using the Provisional Press.
The prints were digitally combined for the zine cover and overlaid with a key on transparent vellum. This layer can be removed to display the zine as a diptych. The zine was hand typed on my 1950s Smith-Corona typewriter.
The concept and color palette were inspired by the meander maps of geologist and cartographer Harold Fisk.
The above text is from February’s zine. If you’d like a copy you can subscribe for $5 a month or buy a single zine in my shop.
Here’s a peek at how the layers work together with the transparency.
Here’s a peek at how the prints are coming out (ignore the buckled untrimmed paper). They will all be flattened, signed, and numbered. Each print is unique. Remaining prints will be added to my shop, and will be priced at $65.
Collagraph is a printmaking process I learned in university. It feels good to return to it after so much time. I shared more about the process (along with a few other test prints) on the blog a few weeks ago.
Thank You
To everyone who sent kind messages and preordered books after last week’s post about illustrating neurodivergence. Gracie & I really appreciate you and very excited to get this picture book into your hands.
If you’d like to preorder a limited edition hardcover you can do so here.
(Paperbacks will be coming soon at a lower price point.)
In Case You Missed It
If you’re having a hard time with the state of the world I wrote this for you a couple weeks ago.
* Neuroqueering is used here as the verb meaning, “the practice of queering (subverting, defying, disrupting, liberating oneself from) neuronormativity and heteronormativity simultaneously” as coined by Nick Walker Ph. D.
I’m back this week with an update on the picture book How it Feels to Me. This is a book about neurodivergence and sensory processing I’m co-creating with illustrator Gracie Klumpp.
It’s fully crowdfunded and coming out later this year!
Last year we ran into some challenges due to substandard quality of our first proof. Ultimately we had to explore alternatives and change printers. Every printer offered slightly different “trim” sizes which meant this process delayed finalizing the illustrations.
Now that we’ve chosen a printer we’re back on track and the illustrations are nearly complete. Later this month we’ll order the next proof and send the text to our copy editor and beta readers!
Here’s a peek to share how it’s coming along…
It’s completely magical to see my words come to life in this way!
Gracie’s using a cool combination of illustrated and photographed elements to visualize the concepts in this book.
We both see this as the book we wish we’d had as kids and hope it will help autistic and neurodivergent folks of all ages!
We’re running a little over budget (because of rising costs and changing printers).
If you’d like to help us bridge the financial deficit you can do so here.
While the neurotypical world is chanting “new year, new you” many autistic and otherwise neurodivergent folks are just struggling to get the train back on the tracks in January.
Our family finds the holiday season quite difficult. Even with our best intentions to slow down and do Christmas in our own ways the change of routine and excitement always seems to tip us into dysregulation. Add to that distressing news, weather related pain flares, and chronic illness* and I have been having a particularly hard time.
Yesterday I spent most of the day in acute pain laying on a heating pad and wondering why my body had suddenly turned against me. I’m hurting today, but less intensely and trying to type this up while I can manage to do so.
I think it’s important to show the struggle and not just the highlights reel we’re all encouraged to curate nowadays.
If you’re not fine I made this for you a few months back.
Another regulating tool I can recommend Marina Gross-Hoy’s gentle workshop The Art of Beginnings. (Coming this weekend!) I love Marina’s work and although I can’t attend live I’m planning to brew a nice cup of tea before I watch the recording.
I’m am looking forward to Marina’s gentle presence as we begin piecing together our daily rhythm this January.
When I have the capacity I’ve been working on prototypes for a series of collagraph prints to represent my creative process (based on the data from my 2025 creative ecosystem pie charts.) †
I’m playing around with the form of a meandering river bed, and used the data to create four different paths for visual art, self publishing, blogging, and zines. Here are some mock ups in Procreate.
Then I’ve been testing different printmaking techniques. I’ve decided on collagraph (a process where you collage a plate to print from) with an unraveling cord.
The final print will be four different meanders overlapping each other printed on the same page. These will go out to my print subscribers at the end of January and will also be reproduced on the cover of January’s zine.
I’m keen to get this project done, but my body has been forcing me to pace myself and I am trying to listen.
Here’s a clip of me pulling a test print.
The inspiration behind the shape of overlapping meanders is from last year’s mood board and the meander maps of Harold Fisk. I’ve learned that my process ebbs and flows and will be writing more about this for January’s zine.
I also wanted to share a tip for anyone who’s interested in tracking your time.
After last week’s newsletter one of you kindly sent me the EARLY time tracker app which does almost the same thing with much less friction. I’ve been playing with it for January and honestly it will save a ton of time that I spent tinkering with spreadsheets. (Thanks Katie!)
Over the past few months I’ve also been working on the Alchemy (Trade & Barter) portal on my website. It’s framed as an immserive choose your adventure story and you can read it here.
It’s a whimsical invitation to exchange energy and art outside of the framework of money. Art for art. Book for book. Zines for zines.
Last January I opened a 26 year old time capsule and made a zine about it.
According to my timer app it’s been over an hour of typing (HOW does this take so long??) and my back is warning me to wrap things up. I’m going to queue this up without proofreading again. Thanks for your generosity and understanding.
I’ll be back next week to announce a new project.
Take care.
P.S. Yes, the title is a quote from Daniel Howell. If you know you know. 😉
FOOTNOTES
* I’ve recently been diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses, but have not had the spoons to sit down and write about the experience. Soon. Maybe next month.
† This is for the ILSSA open call to diagram your creative process.
