“The simple act [of crafting] seemed to push back the gloom. There had been a shadow [on them] lately. As if he couldn’t stand in the Light no matter how he tried. He woke each morning feeling as if someone he loved had died the day before… it could crush you, that despair. But the act of creating something, anything, fought back. That was one way to challenge him. The one none of them spoke of.”
A Memory of Light, The Wheel of Time
via Mel
Meet our new tree, Loial.
I was unmoored after the last episode and wandered around the garden centers until I came home with this fig tree. We planted it in honor of Brother Book.
Your name sings in our ears @hammedhamz. Thank you for bringing this beloved character to life. His spirit will live on in our garden and perhaps one day bear figs. 🍃
Growing up I was a hardcore fan freak of The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan. It’s recently been reimagined as a television series and I’ve reconnected with the fandom and found so much joy in this vibrant and creative community.
I wrote about my creative pilgrimage to Charleston, South Carolina where I saw Robert Jordan’s notes here:
I also made this zine to sum up some of the reasons why we love The Wheel of Time. If you’re a fantasy nerd I think you’d really love it. I recommend jumping into the show first and you can always go back and read the books later.
I’m still celebrating!
Last week, on my actual birthday, one of my favorite chapters from the Wheel of Time was adapted to screen. So I am having a great month.
As my gift to you, anyone who joins the zine subscription this month, will get a bonus Wheel of Time mini zine. 🥰
This month I wrote about creating safe spaces and regulating nervous systems in “unprecedented times.”
You can read the digitized version here.
The work on the cover has been exhibited in several different galleries and is part of the My Brain on Motherhood collection as part of my ARIM.
I’ve also spent a substantial amount of time this month working on a sculpture called Bloom Where You’re Planted from a dead cherry tree.
You can read about the process here.
Here I am cleaning mud off the root.
I’m making a concerted effort to spend more time creating and less time on admin this year. One of the tools I’m using for this is logging my time with spreadsheets and charts.
As someone with time blindness I can very easily sink time into something without realizing.
Seeing time visually has made a huge difference for me!
If you’re curious about this process you can click here to read more about what I’m doing and what impact it’s having.
Last month, in all my excitement about The Wheel of Time, I completely forgot to tell you I published a ramble podcast. I’ll be doing these on an ad hoc basis moving forward. (If you enjoy listening let me know!)
I haven’t managed to migrated podcast episodes off Substack yet.
Listen here for now.
This is essentially a brain dump I recorded in January reflecting on my creative ecosystem, closing loops, and my intentions for moving into a new year.
When I migrate off Substack I’m thinking of calling this a “Brain Dump Podcast” to remind myself it’s okay to be messy. Here’s some possible podcast art. Not my normal color palette, but maybe my kid’s love of all things rainbow is rubbing off on me.
Of everything I’m sharing I spent the most time and energy on this.
If you’ve struggled to learn a second language later in life – it may not be for the reasons you think. I’d love to know what neurodivergent folks think of this post.
I also wrote some thoughts about From Where You Dream. A book about storytelling from your unconscious.
Just two posts in the TARDIS time hop this month.
If you have time to check out my 360 VR work I’d love to know what you think.
While I was at it I also created a landing page for free resources and printables.
Support doing things the old fashioned way by joining my Patrons ($5) and I’ll send paper copies of my zines with the coolest postage stamps I can find.
Here are other ways you can support.
If you’re reading this in your email inbox you can just hit reply to message me directly. I’d love to hear what you think. It makes it worth the time I put in.
Thanks for being here.
I appreciate you.
P.S. One downside to emailing each month instead of weekly is that there is SO MUCH to cover. I’ve almost given up on sharing links because I have too many to narrow down. But the 15 hours a month I’ve recovered to spend on other projects seems worth the trade off.
If you want a suggestion… Watch the Wheel of Time. 😉
Rand’s face took on a pained expression. “I don’t know.” He sounded embarrassed. “When I want fire, for a lamp or a fireplace, I just make it, but I do not know how. I don’t really need to think to do things with fire.” That almost stood to reason. Of the Five Powers, Fire and Earth had been strongest in men in the Age of Legends, and Air and Water in women; Spirit had been shared equally. Egwene hardly had to think to use Air or Water, once she had learned to do a thing in the first place. But the thought did not further their purpose.
The Shadow Rising (The Wheel of Time Book 4)
Rand is pretty much every author trying to explain how they write fiction.
It feels like years since I’ve written.*
Since then…
Season 3 is airing in March – just in time for my birthday.
If you love fantasy books like Lord of the Rings… I’d love for you to give this a watch next month and nerd out with me. Even if you haven’t read the books – the visual design and performances for this show are so stunning I’d really recommend watching first and then diving into the books.
This season is based on my favorite book in the series!
The Shadow Rising is when Wheel of Time steps away from Tolkien and starts being it’s own thing.
Half the characters travel to the desert and meet a complex warrior culture. The others go hunting down some very dangerous women. The layers build from there! I can’t even mention my two favorite parts because they are too spoilerific, but check this image out:
Don’t you want to know what’s happening there?
I’m dying to see this scene. It happens “off page” in the books. 👀
If you’re a book reader (or just don’t care about spoilers) here is the first scene of Season 3. We are starting out with a bang!
Well… I completely redesigned my website. 😂
It’s still “under construction” so pardon my dust (and broken links) as you’re poking around. I hope to “unveil” the new site properly next month.
I wrote a few posts including this one about website design as worldmaking. My old website was a minimalist website (which lives on as a virtual art gallery.) But I’m letting the rest of my site be weirder and more me.
I hope it will sprawl and grow into a proper labyrinth.
I’ve been having a lot of fun with visuals and texture. But my favorite detail so far is this “page not found” design, which feels very me.
If you want to read the boring reasons about why I’m switching web & newsletter platforms I’ve written about my online ecosystem here.
This month I used a printing press to make the February zine.
You can see the process (including a timelapse video) here. You can also see a mini Wheel of Time zine I made. I’m going to print them up and leave them around town as guerrilla fan marketing. (Let me know if you’d like to do the same and I’ll share the file.)
Now that I have a printing press I’ve added a $10 tier where you can subscribe for quarterly prints as well as zines.
I’ve also realized that the time I’m spending on these zines has been growing each month. (Especially in contrast to the simple letters I started with.) So I’m phasing out pledges below $5. This means I have more freedom to play with color and multiple page zines if I’m so inspired.
I’m also stepping away from Patreon and Substack to host subscriptions on my own website.†
Everything in one spot. (Finally!)
Here’s a peek at what else I’ve been working on this month.
Nearly done with my soft sculpture brain sewn from baby clothes. I have two hemispheres complete and need to spend some time refining them and doing finishing work. (They’re a little unbalanced at the moment.)
The transition from holiday chaos back to a normal routine is hard for neurodivergents. Here is how we’re finding our feet again and freedom within structure.
Now that I’m integrating my various blogs into one location my archive is much larger than I realized.
Here are a few highlights.
February seems to be a big month for me!
It’s all that energy from surviving the holidays and getting back into a rhythm.
(You can browse the February archive here.)
I’m planning to move the archives month by month. Motivated in part by sharing this time hop with you. Which means (if all goes to plan) I’ll be done by next February. ‡
Support doing things the old fashioned way by joining my Patrons ($5) and I’ll send paper copies of my zines with the coolest postage stamps I can find.
Here are other ways you can support.
Hit reply to email me directly.
Let’s talk web design, printmaking, or Wheel of Time. 🥰
Thanks for being here.
I appreciate you.
Compost Heap Illustrations by
Gracie Klumpp of Leave the Fingerprints. 🐞
* To share the Neuro Nest Retreat. The workshops were all recorded so you can still join in here. I’d love to have a weaving from you. (Yes, you!)
† Substack supporters will continue to be charged through Stripe. Patreon has been shut down so anyone supporting there will need to resubscribe. (You should already have emails from those platforms, but if you have any questions at all just ask.)
‡ Something I’ve learned by moving blogging platforms a couple of times is that something always goes funky. Formatting is strange. Photos are hotlinked. Multimedia elements (audio, video, embeds) are missing or broken. And hardly anything has alt text. I’m using this chance to dust all the cobwebs before making posts public.
“The wind was not the beginning. There are neither beginnings nor endings to the Wheel of Time. But it was a beginning.”
Last week I went on a creative pilgrimage to Charleston, South Carolina.
That’s the easy to digest version.
The facts, if you will.
For the uninitiated, metaphysics is:
“the branch of philosophy that deals with the first principles of things, including abstract concepts such as being, knowing, substance, cause, identity, time, and space.”2
This journey was about all of these things in a really intricate and profound way.
But first, let’s take a step back into the late 90s.
Observe Sarah, who has fallen asleep on the bed with a dictionary. Again. To the side of the bed is a stack of large thick blue books and several notebooks. If you thumbed through the notebooks you’d find clumsily written facts and lists of names.
Or carefully calligraphed prophecies.
At this point in my life I had no concept of neurodivergence or autism. But I had fallen for the deepest special interest of my life. When I wasn’t doing schoolwork or working I was thinking about these books.
The Wheel of Time.
I’ve written about this before, but it’s almost impossible to get across how important these books are to me or why. Here’s where metaphysics comes in.
It would be easy to say I love the characters, the genre, the use of language. That I’m drawn in by the depth of world building, the complexity of the magic system, and the sheer scope of the books. All of these things are true.3
Yet, I don’t think these are why I connect so deeply to this story.
It’s more ephemeral than that.
More metaphysical.
There’s something in me that feels seen by these books.
A sense of belonging and knowing that runs deeper than thought processes. A recognition at the soul level.4
The same feeling as when you meet a friend who just “gets it.” When the things that felt weird and unknowable about you become points of connection.
“You too? I thought it was just me.”
But it’s not just about similarities. Differences form this bond as well. And they expand your worldview. You begin to see the world through the eyes of your friend.
That is how I feel about these books. They see me and they also stretch me.
These characters were my peers. The fact that they weren’t real didn’t make their influence any less impactful.
I read these books at the height of my social anxiety. And I took away important lessons from the Aes Sedai. I saw their confidence and how they carried themselves in the world. I learned that perception can be more powerful than reality. And the that the truth you hear isn’t always the truth you think you hear.
I also saw teenagers leave their village and reshape the world. Everything felt possible.
When I finished the series I put the books on a shelf and didn’t touch them for a decade. (I talked about this a bit in my podcast chat with Morgan Harper Nichols.)
I didn’t realize at the time that my interests are a tool for self regulation and a lens I use to process the world. I had no idea what function they had in my life until they were no longer there.
In 2020 I hit rock bottom.
I couldn’t cope.
Then I started re-reading The Wheel of Time.
I’d forgotten how these books made me feel. I knew I loved them. But I also enjoy other stories and books that don’t have the same resonance. These stories are different.
They are etched into my bones.
When I re-read the Wheel of Time I’m always surprised at the curious mix of what I’ve retained – the details I know as if I lived them. And what became hazy over time.
There’s always something new to notice.
Sometime after that re-read I also reconnected to the Wheel of Time community. I was surprised and delighted to find there were other nerds who still loved these stories as much as I do.
It felt like rediscovering part of myself that I’d forgotten existed. My joy at listening to livestreams on The Dusty Wheel was palpable.. an embodied sense of belonging. “These are my people.”
The more time I spend in this community the more incredible I realize it is.
There’s a generosity in spirit and a value in creative joy that I haven’t seen in other corners of the internet. The more I watched these people nerding out the more I knew I needed to make time and space for this in my own life.
This January I wrote down “Wheel of Time convention” and “Pilgrimage to Robert Jordan’s Notes” as long term goals. It felt impossible at the time, but also important. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine both would happen this year.
After winning a ticket to WoT Con this summer one thing led to another and I signed up for Ogier Con – a small gathering of fans who were planning to make the pilgrimage to Charleston…together.
Instead of traveling alone I was destined to go there in community.
The wheel weaves as the wheel wills.
When I made it to the library I found myself reading Wheel of Time manuscripts with Matt Hatch, Tamrylin of Theoryland, Innkeeper of The Dusty Wheel.
In that moment, time collapsed in on itself. I existed in four timelines simultaneously:
Over time other hard core fan freaks joined us at the table. We’d each come with a different purpose.
My curiosity about RJ’s writing process doesn’t come from a desire to replicate it. I could no more write in his particular style than you could teach a bird to swim.
But I’m learning that his process was messier and more intuitive than what I had come to accept as “the right way.” It’s given me inspiration to toss out the rule book and develop a writing process that works for me.
It shakes my inner writer awake. I wondered if I’d feel that reading his notes. And I did. The more I learn about Robert Jordan’s writing process the more I see pieces of myself.
Don’t get me wrong. We’re wildly different people. But there are mundane similarities.
Looking at his notes I found lists. Facts, idioms, and so much research. He filled notebooks with information about plants and herbal remedies. Historical and mythological figures.
Other notebooks had a single list and the rest was empty.
(I vow never to feel guilty about abandoning notebooks again.) 😂
These were just the kind of notes I used to keep as a teenager. I had one small green notebook that was a collection of names – especially for writing.
I also have an obsession with collecting what I call colloquialisms. An interest originally sparked by their use in Robert Jordan’s writing, and expanded during my time living abroad.
For example, I love the contrast between
and
It’s even better with accents, trust me.
I looked up some of the phrases RJ had collected and determined they were from films. I can only imagine that he then studied those to work out how to create his own. He was an expert at this and it made his world feel rich and lived in. For example, a character who grew up in a fishing village says,
“You bore a hole in the boat and worry that it’s raining.”6
I love seeing evidence that Robert Jordan had similar drive to collect information.
Instead there were plenty of notes in a style that RJ called “rambling.”
These ramble files read almost like freewriting about the story. He seemed to craft his plot on the page. Not in an outline.
The first ramble file I read opened with a few paragraphs about Emonds Field – the houses, the economic structure, the village’s contact with the outside world (peddlers, grain traders, and gleemen.) Then he starts working through details. I love the bits where he asks himself questions or sets down two different options to consider.
“The peddler is dead(?)”7
“Tea: where does it come from?”8
“Lan falls in love with Eguene (?) or with Nyneve (?)”9
“????? the Rods of Dominion ?????”10
Many of Jordan’s early ideas are very different to what happens in the books while others remain unchanged.
I already use freewriting to process experiences in life. So it feels like a natural fit to weave that into my storytelling.
I stayed in the library until a librarian came up quietly and asked, “Did you know we close at 4?” It was 4. I thanked her and packed up. I paused to look at the display outside the library. RJ’s old desktop computer was there with a sticker,
I started a 15 minute walk to the Air B&B my rolling suitcases in tow. Along the way I serendipitously came across Ogier street. The Ogier are a forest dwelling people in the Wheel of Time who have a penchant for long winded stories and info dumps. (Sound familiar?)
I took a photo.
The rest of the weekend was an exploration of Charleston and the places that inspired the books.
We visited the Angel Oak, known affectionately by the fandom as Avendesora, the Wheel of Time’s version of the Tree of Life. I’ve seen live oaks before, but the scale of this one was otherworldly. It’s impossible to convey the sense of scale with a photograph.
The next day we walked the gardens of Harriet McDougal’s home (Robert Jordan’s widow and editor). We were given a tour by Maria Simons (Head of the Brown Ajah). Every time I thought we’d seen it all we would turn a corner or step into a passageway and discover more. A true secret garden.
I took photos of flowers to plant in my own garden next year (including these tithonia which the butterflies loved… I even spotted a monarch.)
Next, we met with military historian and author of Origins of the Wheel of Time Michael Livingston.
He talked about his own creative process and showed us around The Citadel – the military college where RJ drew inspiration for The White Tower. There was also an impromptu book signing at Robert Jordan’s desk, which is now his. Michael signed a copy of his fiction book Shards of Heaven for me, which I look forward to reading. It is a historical fantasy novel set in Ancient Rome.
I’m still processing everything I was able to see.
Most of it didn’t seem real. Kind of like seeing Big Ben for the first time.
And between every surreal moment was soul to soul connection.
The intimate size and setting of the gathering made space for expansive and meaningful conversation.
A Dreamshard, if you will.
I went looking for Robert Jordan and I found his spirit alive in these people.
If that’s not metaphysics at work I don’t know what is.
Many thanks to everyone who worked hard to make this weekend come to be, and also to every single sweet spirit who was there.
You are all doing The Light’s Work in your own way.
I’m in proper long winded Ogier mode today, but I’ll try to wrap things up.
Circling back to my creative process:
I’ll never be Robert Jordan.
No one will.
But I can be Sarah Shotts.
I can tell the stories that are important to me in the ways and timelines that are right for me. My goal isn’t capitalistic success, but creative expression. To make something that’s true to me and share it with others who may find bits of themselves in it.
I’ll always have multiple projects. But I’m learning how to them weave them together. One project bubbling away in the slow cooker. One on the stovetop. And another fermenting in a dark cupboard.11
That cupboard is where my fiction writing has been. It’s time to wake up that sourdough starter and start proving some bread.
Kindle Curiosity is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Do you have any projects in the fermentation cupboard you’re ready to pull out?
Have you ever had a creative pilgrimage? Where did you go and what did you learn?
Cheers,
P.S. Did you miss my first post about rediscovering Wheel of Time? Catch it here.
P.P.S. Want to know more about The Wheel of Time? I wrote this for you.
We realized over the weekend that the easiest way to explain why 12 strangers were flying across the country to visit a library and an old tree was simply to call ourselves a book club. It worked on my chiropractor.
Metaphysics definition via Oxford Languages
Also true, and something I love about this fandom is that we each bring our own criticisms to these books we love. I don’t love these books in a way that is infallible. I know they are flawed. Everything human is. And I love them anyway.
Perhaps I should reread John O’Donohue’s Anam Cara with this in mind. Maybe there are answers there. (Anam Cara means “soul friend” in Gaelic.)
For the curious that’s 88 NaNoWriMo novels. The reason I went for words instead of pages.
Siuan Sanche, The Great Hunt by: Robert Jordan
Box 20, EOTW Revision #1, Filename: Ramblings, pg. 10 (James Oliver Rigney, Jr., papers, College of Charleston Libraries, Charleston, SC, USA.)
Box 24, Folder 1, TGH, “Misc Random thoughts” (James Oliver Rigney, Jr., papers, College of Charleston Libraries, Charleston, SC, USA.)
Box 24, Folder 1 “Notes on course of books” (James Oliver Rigney, Jr., papers, College of Charleston Libraries, Charleston, SC, USA.)
Box 75, Folder 2, “Additional White Goddess Notes” (James Oliver Rigney, Jr., papers, College of Charleston Libraries, Charleston, SC, USA.)
It turns out fermentation is actually a key part of my creative process, and not one I’m going to feel guilty about any more. Maybe I’ll write more about this another day.
