Over the last decade I have been neuroqueering my creative practice. Setting aside neurotypical, able bodied, and capitalist expectations for consistency, branding, and profit like the ill fitting shoes they are.*
Looking back, the times in my life I was rigidly consistent I was run deeply outside my own capacity, which over time took a toll on my health (both mental and physical.)
Allowing my creative projects to fluctuate with my capacity, as a chronically ill autistic caregiver means that they ebb & flow. Seasons when my time and energetic capacity expand so does my creative practice. When I am experiencing a pain flare or focusing on caregiving challenges my projects shift into dormancy or ideation.
Having many different mediums means there is always something to fit my capacity.
I NEED ART TO LIVE.
Art is how I self regulate, how I co-regulate with my child, and how I process lived experience and the world around me.
Without art I go to a dark place.
For years, I had inflexible routines and self imposed deadlines that did not serve me. But the newly discovered fluidity of my creative ecosystem has allowed me to flourish in unexpected ways.
This meander map is based on my 2025 Artist’s Log which tracked the time spent on each creative project over the course of the year.
These undulating ribbons represent the four main streams of creativity I pursued in 2025.
Yellow: visual art
Green: self publishing and writing
Blue: redesigning website & blogging
Purple: zines
The process of crafting these prints took several months. Calculating stats, making a graph, drafting the meanders, testing printmaking techniques, paper & inks, creating collagraph plates with unraveling cotton twine, and printing each plate onto wet paper using the Provisional Press.
The prints were digitally combined for the zine cover and overlaid with a key on transparent vellum. This layer can be removed to display the zine as a diptych. The zine was hand typed on my 1950s Smith-Corona typewriter.
The concept and color palette were inspired by the meander maps of geologist and cartographer Harold Fisk.
The above text is from February’s zine. If you’d like a copy you can subscribe for $5 a month or buy a single zine in my shop.
Here’s a peek at how the layers work together with the transparency.
Here’s a peek at how the prints are coming out (ignore the buckled untrimmed paper). They will all be flattened, signed, and numbered. Each print is unique. Remaining prints will be added to my shop, and will be priced at $65.
Collagraph is a printmaking process I learned in university. It feels good to return to it after so much time. I shared more about the process (along with a few other test prints) on the blog a few weeks ago.
Thank You
To everyone who sent kind messages and preordered books after last week’s post about illustrating neurodivergence. Gracie & I really appreciate you and very excited to get this picture book into your hands.
If you’d like to preorder a limited edition hardcover you can do so here.
(Paperbacks will be coming soon at a lower price point.)
In Case You Missed It
If you’re having a hard time with the state of the world I wrote this for you a couple weeks ago.
* Neuroqueering is used here as the verb meaning, “the practice of queering (subverting, defying, disrupting, liberating oneself from) neuronormativity and heteronormativity simultaneously” as coined by Nick Walker Ph. D.
Samwise: It’s all wrong. By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something. Even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back only they didn’t. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding on to, Sam?
Samwise : That there’s some good in this world, Mr. Frodo. And it’s worth fighting for.
This is what I needed this week. I’m sharing in case you needed it too. If you’d like to hear Samwise himself you can watch the scene here.
We are all going through it.
So today I’m sharing some resources. First for mental health and then accessible forms of advocacy against the Shadow.
Last month I listened to the audiobook of You Will Get Through This Night by Daniel Howell. I can’t recommend it enough to anyone struggling even a bit with mental health (and who isn’t?)
Dan is a YouTuber who experiences chronic depression and social anxiety. He worked with mental health professionals to create a practical guide to supporting your mental health. Dan’s writing style and personal anecdotes make it feel like you’re talking to a friend who gets it. Particularly when listening to the audiobook. (And did I mention he’s British? Love an accent.)
You may even find the book (or audiobook) at your local library so be sure to check Libby.
So many of the tips are simple, but hard to prioritize.
I enjoyed it so much I think I’ll re-listen to it each winter.
Last year I made a zine with self regulation ideas that you may find useful.
I also have to share this beautiful painting by Amie McNee.
This is for anyone who feels their creative projects are frivolous or unimportant. Or anyone who is struggling with sharing their art right now.
Please don’t stop. We need it.
At the same time, if what you need right now is deep rest and reflection, that is an equally important way to tend your creative ecosystem. And is essential for making art.
Find Joy
Another important way to support your mental health is to find sources of joy. I loved this queer twist on this Caemlot inspired romance, Gwen & Art Are Not In Love. It’s a light read, YA romance (no spice), with neurodivergent-coded characters. The author Lex Croucher is queer and nonbinary.
I’m also on the third book in the Seaborn trilogy (queer pirates with magic) which I’m reading with the Livingstans book club.
Fight despair with action.
We all have different strengths and capacities. I’ve shared before that advocacy action items are often for able bodied and neurotypical people. Here are some ways to get involved if you aren’t able to protest and may struggle with phone calls.
While the neurotypical world is chanting “new year, new you” many autistic and otherwise neurodivergent folks are just struggling to get the train back on the tracks in January.
Our family finds the holiday season quite difficult. Even with our best intentions to slow down and do Christmas in our own ways the change of routine and excitement always seems to tip us into dysregulation. Add to that distressing news, weather related pain flares, and chronic illness* and I have been having a particularly hard time.
Yesterday I spent most of the day in acute pain laying on a heating pad and wondering why my body had suddenly turned against me. I’m hurting today, but less intensely and trying to type this up while I can manage to do so.
I think it’s important to show the struggle and not just the highlights reel we’re all encouraged to curate nowadays.
If you’re not fine I made this for you a few months back.
Another regulating tool I can recommend Marina Gross-Hoy’s gentle workshop The Art of Beginnings. (Coming this weekend!) I love Marina’s work and although I can’t attend live I’m planning to brew a nice cup of tea before I watch the recording.
I’m am looking forward to Marina’s gentle presence as we begin piecing together our daily rhythm this January.
When I have the capacity I’ve been working on prototypes for a series of collagraph prints to represent my creative process (based on the data from my 2025 creative ecosystem pie charts.) †
I’m playing around with the form of a meandering river bed, and used the data to create four different paths for visual art, self publishing, blogging, and zines. Here are some mock ups in Procreate.
Then I’ve been testing different printmaking techniques. I’ve decided on collagraph (a process where you collage a plate to print from) with an unraveling cord.
The final print will be four different meanders overlapping each other printed on the same page. These will go out to my print subscribers at the end of January and will also be reproduced on the cover of January’s zine.
I’m keen to get this project done, but my body has been forcing me to pace myself and I am trying to listen.
Here’s a clip of me pulling a test print.
The inspiration behind the shape of overlapping meanders is from last year’s mood board and the meander maps of Harold Fisk. I’ve learned that my process ebbs and flows and will be writing more about this for January’s zine.
I also wanted to share a tip for anyone who’s interested in tracking your time.
After last week’s newsletter one of you kindly sent me the EARLY time tracker app which does almost the same thing with much less friction. I’ve been playing with it for January and honestly it will save a ton of time that I spent tinkering with spreadsheets. (Thanks Katie!)
Over the past few months I’ve also been working on the Alchemy (Trade & Barter) portal on my website. It’s framed as an immserive choose your adventure story and you can read it here.
It’s a whimsical invitation to exchange energy and art outside of the framework of money. Art for art. Book for book. Zines for zines.
Last January I opened a 26 year old time capsule and made a zine about it.
According to my timer app it’s been over an hour of typing (HOW does this take so long??) and my back is warning me to wrap things up. I’m going to queue this up without proofreading again. Thanks for your generosity and understanding.
I’ll be back next week to announce a new project.
Take care.
P.S. Yes, the title is a quote from Daniel Howell. If you know you know. 😉
FOOTNOTES
* I’ve recently been diagnosed with multiple chronic illnesses, but have not had the spoons to sit down and write about the experience. Soon. Maybe next month.
† This is for the ILSSA open call to diagram your creative process.
My neurodivergent experience includes time blindness, which is magnified when working on a creative project and reaching flow state. This has some benefits, but one downside is that I have no idea how much time I’m sinking into individual projects.
UPDATE: After writing this one of you kindly sent me the EARLY time tracker app which does almost the same thing with much less friction. I’ve been playing with it for January and honestly it will save a ton of time that I spent tinkering with spreadsheets. (Thanks Katie!)
Spoiler alert, my pie chart has become a north star for my creative process.
My January spreadsheet started out by tracking writing and self publishing time like I do during NaNoWriMo. (Which is why zines don’t show up below.) When I reached days that I didn’t write because I was making visual art I added more columns.
I can guarantee this pie would be almost all admin if I had not seen how big those wedges were and made the choice to dedicate more time to personal projects. Like my Artist’s Residency in Motherhood (ARIM) and my fantasy novel which I made a mood board for.
When I saw how powerful this was I realized I wanted to track all of my creative projects this way. So you’ll see more categories moving forward including Mawd which is a working title for my novel.
At the same I time I decided to migrate and completely redesign my website. Needless to say these were not the most balanced months, but I feel strongly about using this data to course correct and not to judge myself.
With that in mind, I fully believe this awareness did keep the web design wedge from completely taking over the circle. And I managed to carve out nearly a quarter of my time to zine making.
I was still deep in the weeds of web design during March, but I knew I couldn’t continue the pace. I was noticing screen induced migraines and trying to spent more time on other projects. I also added a column for gardening.
By April I realized my dream of republishing all of my blog posts within a single year was not healthy. I’ve archived everything, but I use so many images and videos that simply importing them didn’t work and everything has to be reformatted by hand. I’m not sure when or if I’ll ever move everything. So I decided to focus on any blog posts I wanted to link to and have been moving those.
This freed up a lot of time for various projects. The big pink wedge is work on my gleeman’s cloak to prepare for meeting Sharon Gilham, the costume designer for the Wheel of Time.
May was incredibly balanced looking back. The weather was nice so we spent plenty of time outside. I made a zine about Chaos Gardening. Chipped away at my website. And kept working on my cloak.
You can see the wedge for self publishing where I was ordering proofs from various printers (the very definition of “hurry up and wait.”)
This wedge is even more well balanced than May!
Almost a full color wheel which is funny considering June’s zine was Spectrum.
I’m now in a place where I see these kind of projects as essential to both my creative process and my mental health.
This reset over the summer (when my energy is the lowest) was key to being able to self publish Entwined & Ember without burning out.
Moving into August I was designing a lot of visual schedules and modular calendar elements for home education. I also started sinking some serious time into Entwined & Ember working alongside our copy editor. But I still reserved over 25% of the pie for other projects including zine making and gardening.
I spent a huge amount of time making zines I did not sell at NWA Maker’s Faire (which I blogged about here.) It was mostly a great experience, but also exhausting. I pretty much crashed directly after even though it was only half a day.
I keep wanting to attend more events, but when I do I’m reminded how hard they are on my autistic nervous system and chronically ill body. I don’t think I could manage a full day event – much less a whole weekend.
Suddenly Entwined & Ember were in final edits. Past years this would have been all encompassing, but you can still see 40% of my time put into other things: zines, gardening, blogging, even a bit of ideation for my novel (which was definitely a back burner project this year.)
Launch month! Some of this was final proofing and the rest was fulfilling orders. I balanced the admin with zine making and two Wheel of Time related projects.
When I started this anthology and art journal I had no idea how much energy they would take. I truly wish I’d tracked my hours since the beginning.
If you somehow missed book launch Entwined & Ember are now available worldwide in hardcover and paperback. As well as free community copies to anyone experiencing financial hardship.
I’m typing this on December 29, but I’ve estimated the time I’ll put in the next couple of days. (I’m getting much better at realizing how long things take.) The biggest wedge this month is actually visual art! Which is something I haven’t had much capacity for this year.
I’m actually working on diagram of my creative process based on this data for ILSSA’s open call. It’s inspired by a meander map showing the ebb and flow of various projects through the year. I’m still in the experimental phases, but if all goes well this will be the next art print for subscribers.
What’s next?
We recently decided on a printer for the limited edition hardcovers of How it Feels to Me – a picture book about neurodivergence and sensory processing I’m creating with illustrator Gracie Klumpp.
We’re a little behind schedule (due to the print quality issues), but are aiming to release the book next Spring!
Here’s a peek.
I’m not a spreadsheet wizard, but if you’d like to take a look at my Artist Log template and copy it for yourself you can see it here. If you’re fiddling around with it I recommend typing in numbers to make sure everything is adding up correctly. I changed mine every month so this isn’t really a template as much as a working model you can make your own.
If your creative process was a pie chart (or another shape) what would it be?
Cheers,
P.S. I “should” proofread this, but it’s nearly 1 am and I’m nearing migraine trigger territory. I may come back or I may not. Honestly, there are more important ways to spend my time this week. 💫
But to continue doing that I have to take care of myself.
Here are some of the things that brought me joy this week.
Making Mini Zines ✂️
Different types of making meet different needs.
Writing is analytical and helps me unravel my ideas. But it’s not the most regulating.
So instead of writing this week I’ve been making mini zines.
This one is using images from the mood board for my fantasy novel. A process that I paused for several months and am now orbiting back to. I’m really curious about how I can make my storytelling more interdisciplinary and how I can invert my writing from something I am doing for others to something I am doing for myself.
I’ll probably write more about this later, but here’s a timelapse of me making a zine.
Tap to watch me make a zine at midnight when everyone else in my house is sleeping.
Down the Rabbit Hole 🐇
I fell into a story over the weekend the way Alice fell into Wonderland. Once I started I just had to keep reading until I reached the end.
Non Player Character by autistic author Veo Corva (they/them) made me feel seen in a way I don’t think I ever have in a story before.
This book follows a diverse group of nerds becoming found family. If you’ve ever felt alone or “too much” or “not enough” I think you should read this.
+ 10 if you’re autistic, anxious, or otherwise neurodivergent.
+ 10 if you’re queer, gender queer or disabled.
+10 if you’ve ever been a fantasy gamer (tabletop or video game).
I can’t say much more without giving away plot points, but this is a beautifully written crowdfunded book.
I’m experimenting with an algorithm free way to share snippets of photos, videos, and links. I borrowed the idea from Katherine May to start a What’s App channel.
So far I’ve posted…
A peek at some test prints. (The final versions of these will be going out to my quarterly print subscribers this month.)
And I shared that I was enjoying Different, Not Less by autistic author Chloé Hayden. Which I’ve now finished. This book deserves a full review, but in short it was an informative and affirming view of autism & ADHD. 10/10 would recommend.
I’ve been doing my zine thing for about a year now without really finding the zine community. Recently I stumbled into a zine Discord (let me know if you want an invite) and suddenly found myself trading zines with other zinesters.
If you’ve wandered around my homepage you may have noticed I have a section for alchemy (trade & barter) that isn’t set it up yet. (Boo chronic migraines!) But it’s pretty simple.
If you’d like to trade (zine for zine, book for book, or some other creative swap) just let me know!
My zine collection (newest zine babies not photographed yet.)
I’m sure I’m forgetting something.
I’ll probably end up posting it to my What’s App tomorrow.
Thanks to everyone who reached out. I haven’t had the capacity to respond yet, but I appreciated each message and especially the two picture book preorders. 🥰
There seem to be a lot of cruel people in the world right now.
Instagram (at least the current iteration) is dangerous to my mental health. What used to be a light hearted photo sharing app has now turned into another algorithmic dumpster fire.
I tried everything.
I blocked accounts, “curated” my feed, and did my best to train the algorithm. Near the end I even downloaded a social media blocking app to limit my usage to midday.
I was already struggling.
Then the autism news hit.
Nope. I can’t be here. I’m out.
I naively imagined that the next generation of autistics could grow up with less stigma. To know who they are and unabashedly ask for support.
To see that progress purposefully eroded is gutting.
My nervous system simply cannot handle the horrors and catastrophizing on endless algorithmic remix.
And it’s not just autistics under attack. Every marginalized group is in real crisis right now. Science and education have been defunded.
There is a new fresh horror every day.
Read I’m Fine – a digitized zine about self regulation & advocacy
It’s easy to feel helpless when the world is on fire.
Contact your representatives. Tell them autism is not a disease to be cured.
Preorder How it Feels to Me (a picture book about sensory processing.) This is a crowdfunded project I am creating with autistic illustrator Gracie Klumpp.
We just got a new set of proofs and are feeling very excited about next steps. After changing book binders we are a bit over budget – so if you preorder now it will be a big help.
If you don’t need a book yourself you can also choose to donate your copy and we’ll be sure it gets to someone who needs it.
Last weekend I ran a “Make a Zine” booth at the NWA Maker Faire.
I brought supplies to make zines and also had a display of zines and books for sale. Lots of kids made zines! Three teens. One friend I invited.
And one college student who made this zine. (I have permission to share.)
Thanks to everyone who dropped by my table.
The whole event was a great experience.
Full transparency: I didn’t make any money. I lost about $27 based on the table fee alone. But the money goes to a good cause. I’ll participate again next year.*
The Autism Spectrum
The zine that was picked up most often during the Maker Faire was my Spectrum zine about neurodivergence. While our goverment leaders are spreading such harmful misinformation about autism it feels more important than ever to do the opposite.
You can read (and share) the blog version of the zine here.
I have a few misprints of my Spectrum zine printed on the wrong paper. Completely readable, but the images bleed through more than I like.
If you would like to distribute Spectrum zines (either publicly or to friends and family) let me know and I’ll send you a stack of misprints for free.
This second edition has minor edits (most notably an expanded section about purpose), my new headshot, updated bio, and they/them pronouns.
These paperbacks are printed by 48 Hour Books and live in my closet. They will each be packaged and mailed by me personally. So I’m happy to sign and personalize them if you like.
They are $15 – which is the lowest my book has ever been available for purchase.
Tap below to watch me flip through the spacious full color interior.
If you’ve bought the original edition I’ll be sending an ebook version of the updated text soon.
There was a printing issue with the hardcovers, but I should have those back in stock before the end of the month.
I’ll be updating Self Publishing 101 soon. I’ve nearly finished testing several Amazon alternatives. They all have pros and cons so which printer is best for your book depends on your goals and budget.
An invitation to draw together. 🍉
I’m sending this email earlier than usual because there’s an event this week I want you to know about. Hanna Keiner and Logan Juliano, PhD are hosting a meditative drawing livestream on Thursday, September 11 called Where Do You Draw the Line?
The event is free, but everyone will be invited to take action from my Palestine Advocacy page in lieu of payment. (There are many ways to make a difference even if you don’t have the budget to contribute financially.)
I’m really grateful for my advocacy library to be used in this way.
If you host a similar event or link to it please let me know.
Image Credit: Hanna Keiner
That’s all for this week.
Take care of yourselves. I appreciate you.
FOOTNOTES
* I enjoyed meeting the other vendors so much I’ve logged in to Instagram after 8 months off social media. I’d like to be able to more closely follow local events and those I met at NWA Maker Faire. This is a trial period to see if curation, boundaries, and tweaking advertisements can make it a more positive experience. I much prefer RSS, but when there is to RSS feed for certain groups and events I am just missing out.
A zine (pronounced ZEEN) is a handmade magazine about a specific topic.
“Zines have been around since the early 20th century, and have been an enormous part of underground and non-commercial publication.” *
I learned about zines from Austin Kleon who has a great collection of printables zines and resources on his website. He also has a tutorial to make a “mini zine” from a single sheet of paper.
Having tried both ways I prefer to make zines out of sheets folded in half. Sometimes I use a single page and other times I nest and staple them.
“Zines are characteristically cheap to make, often photocopied, and have a distinctly DIY look. Often, they represent the voices of people on the fringes, and their content is hyper local.” *
Zines were bore to share information and amplify voices that weren’t often represented in mainstream media. As a result, zine making has a rich history among marginalized communities, fandoms, and activists.
If you want a deep dive into the history of zines and how to make your own I recommend this free zine by The Public in Canada.
Zinesters (people who make zines) often value the act of sharing information over an potential profit. Zines are made cheaply so they can be easily sold, traded or given away.
Zines fall into the cheap art philosophy which I’m passionate about.
Zine making is just one kind of artist publishing. Any type of independently produced book or publication is a form of artist publishing. This can range from self publishing books, newspapers, zines, or artist books.
Artist books often embrace time intensive methods and archival quality materials. As a result they are often more highly priced.
If you’d like to learn more about artist publishing I’d recommend starting here. Or browsing my artist publishing board on are.na.
I’ve been focused on zine making, but collect both zines and artist books. I may explore creating an artist book when I complete my fine art collection.
My Zine Collection
Here’s a peek at my zine collection and links to the artist’s shops.
There are lots of places online and “IRL” (in real life) that are dedicated to archiving zines. If you’d like to archive your zine you can check with any of the organizations below, your local library, or upload to archive.org (like this.) Every archive has it’s own mission so be sure to make sure your zine is a good fit before submitting.
The birds are loving it. We’re even learning to identify some by their bird call with the Merlin app.
Creative Chaos
I’ve accepted that I can’t always work in my lovely studio. So earlier this year I set up a workspace in the living room. And I am getting SO much done.
This summer I’ve made lots of progress (from this chaos) on Entwined & Ember. Now that copy edits are done I’ve started book design for Ember.
Here I am sorting the prompts into their final order.
Art or Trash?
Sometimes being an artist means preserving paper towels with blueberry stains.
At the end of my Spectrum zine you’re invited to make your own spectrum and send it to me. The very first came in from Liz Getty.
I love where Liz took this. You are so much more than what fits within the lines. 💫
Seaborn 🌊✨
Want to read a shiny book about queer pirates and magic?
I’m hosting a read a long with some of my Wheel of Time friends. We start in September so there’s plenty of time to pick up a copy.
Join us!
The read along will be hosted on Discord and Storygraph. Hit reply if you have any questions.
Just for Fun
The Great Sword Heist of 2025 ⚔️ Someone’s sword collection was stolen off their walls while they were sleeping. They’re having a great sense of humor about it.
Last One Laughing, UK 🇬🇧 If you love British comedy like Taskmaster you will love this. Some adult material so not for kids.
Unfortunately, this book is needed more than ever.
Harmful information is being spread by the US government categorizing autism and ADHD as epidemics. Neurodiversity is not a broken brain! It is a brain that experiences the world differently and this picture book shows how.
If you’d like to support the project you can preorder or donate a copy to a school, library, or a neurodivergent family in financial hardship.**
If you missed my last email I wrote a post called What is Autism? that breaks down sensory processing and autistic differences.
The brain on the left is autistic. we process a lot more information in any given moment.
I end the post with this footnote,
“Being neurotypical just means that your brain is processing the world like most others. This means the dominant culture has been made to support the way your brain processes the world around you. You are surrounded by supports for your neurotype every single day.”
This is a concept I’d like to explore further. It really turns the idea of supports on it’s head.
I’ve come to the conclusion I need to free up some mental capacity to really delve into this world in the way that’s needed. Turns out proofing three separate books for self publishing is kind of a lot. I’m being patient with myself. There’s no rush on this.
Here’s a peek at my writing workspace.
I set this up in the living room when it was too cold to be in the studio (and soon it will be too hot.) It turns out that extreme heat and cold trigger migraines so I’m afraid I am a fair weather studio artist. Accepting that my body needs what it needs means making spaces that work for me.
If you’re reading this in your email inbox you can just hit reply to message me directly. I’d love to hear what you think. It makes it worth the time I put in.
Thanks for being here.
I appreciate you.
FOOTNOTES
* I’m no longer digitizing zines. Due to chronic migraines I’m attempting to cut down on screentime. I wrote a bit about that here.
† What is a microblog? Basically a social media style blog feed that I archive on my own site. I’m working on setting this up to autopost to Bluesky. I call my microblog scraps – evoking both a scrapbook or commonplace book and also the bits of kitchen scrap that end up in the compost heap.
** If you donate a book we are happy to find the book a home or to send it to the school or library of your choice.
