neurodivergence

February 1, 2024

From the kitchen table to NYC 🗽
Flashback to four years ago…

It was Christmas Day and I was sitting at the kitchen anxiously trying to finish a weaving to submit to an exhibition about motherhood.

Here’s a video showing the weaving process. I made data weavings recording each time I was interrupted by tying a knot.

I barely finished and photographed that work in time for the deadline. Looking back that first weaving (smaller and less textured than the one in this video) wasn’t a strong piece and I’m not surprised it was rejected.

But the rejection stung because I was also told off for being unprofessional by photographing my work on a wall that wasn’t white. I felt like the art world was a secret club I didn’t have the passcode for. *

The next year I submitted another weaving to another show. No snooty response, but it still didn’t connect.

One submission a year clearly wasn’t working for me.

So my 100 Submissions project was born.

This was an energetic shift from holding each submission so closely to casting a wider net.

I managed 11 submissions last year and the strangest thing happened…

Grab yours here.

Every submission connected.

11 out of 11.

There’s some bit of luck in submitting the right piece at the right time.

But I think the real magic was putting myself out there without worrying if I had a “chance.”

This led to…

– exhibiting my art for the first time

– speaking at my first author event

– my first publication in an academic journal

That’s a lot of firsts!

I’m going to share this process – not to brag – but to encourage you to put your own work out into the world.

I meant to share this process in real time, but I quickly became overwhelmed at the amount of admin work involved (emails, mailing art, etc.) and I couldn’t keep up with writing Substack posts too.

Here goes!

I kept track of everything in Notion. If you have the bandwidth I found this really useful because you can resuse / adapt submission materials instead of starting from scratch each time. This way you can build up some momentum.

Submission #1 – NWA Book Fest

Venue: NW Arkansas Book Festival

Cost to Submit: None

The first acceptance I had was to do a book reading and signing at a local book festival (NWA Book Fest). It was a great learning experience which I wrote about here.

Takeaway: Author events are a massive energetic drain.

What I learned was I simply I don’t have capacity for book festivals at this time. This was a very short appearance and it took me quite a long time to recover. So paying to be a vendor for a full day (or weekend) event would definitely push me past capacity.

Here’s a clip of actual footage of me after the event. †

“Success” isn’t worth it if it pushes you into burnout.

Submission #2 – Carve Out Time for Art

Venue: Instagram

Cost to Submit: $25

I considered this application to be a complete shot in the dark.

I was stunned at the invitation to takeover Carve Out Time for Art on Instagram. This one gave me big imposter syndrome, but was actually a delight. This was one of the first acceptance emails that came in, but the takeover itself didn’t happen until much later in the year.

The takeover is pinned to @carveouttimeforart’s highlights if you want to see.

Takeaway: There are more people out there.

Before I did this takeover I pretty much thought “everyone who wants my book already has it so I should stop talking about it.” It’s easy to fall into this trap when growth is slow or nonexistent. Reaching people beyond my normal subscribers brought a breath of fresh air. I made some new friends who followed me here! *waves* And sold a couple copies of my book. Not loads, but it broadened my horizons.

Submission #3 – Stay Home Gallery

Venue: Art Gallery (Paris, TN)

Cost to Submit: $10

Next, my textile piece Maternal Mental Health was accepted to an art exhibition about paradox in caregiving. Here’s a statement from the curator Tara Carpenter Estrada,

“In Together/Alone, the paradox of emotions between “never alone” and “very lonely” felt by caregivers is given the spotlight. The societal devaluing of care-work places the responsibilities of care (and self-care) on individuals. Without structural support, a tension can arise between love and devotion, and resentment or anxiety— the need for alone time, and the need for togetherness.”

Maternal Mental Health / 2022 / textile / 11” x 15” 17”

Stay Home Gallery is now closed, but you can see the show archived here.

Takeaway: Try to align your expectations with reality.

Because this was my first time exhibiting art outside university I really wanted to travel to the gallery opening. The whole situation was confusing because it was a hybrid show. On one hand it was a physical exhibition at an artist retreat – so I had to mail my work. But the main exhibition was on the Stay Home Gallery website. The physical location was not open to the public and was only seen by the artist residents. So there was no opportunity to visit and see the work in person. I was a bit heartbroken, to be honest, because my expectations weren’t aligned with reality. But it was my first tiny baby step into the fine art world.

Submission #4 – Ought

Venue: Ought: The Journal of Autistic Culture (Grand State University, MI)

Cost to Submit: FREE

The next thing I knew I was being published in an academic journal. My piece, The Benefits of Asynchronous Friendship, exploring my collaborative project with

Claire Venus was accepted to Ought: Volume 4, Issue 2 (2023) The Internet.

I wrote a short introduction to the article here.

I have a lot to say about this one that should probably live behind a paywall, but I found this process very challenging. I’m an academic – my day job is teaching university theatre courses – but I’m a theatre instructor. (Not an autism researcher.) And I’ve never written for an academic journal before.

Takeaway: Academic writing = time consuming revision.

The challenge came from writing a piece that was “too academic” to be creative and “too creative” to be academic. The editor didn’t quite know what to do with me. They literally said, “it is neither beast nor fowl.” 😂

In the end, we decided to treat it as a creative piece, meaning I had to strip out the research I’d done and root the writing in my lived experience. It was a stronger piece afterward, but the timing couldn’t have been worse. Trying to edit this piece whilst also running a crowdfunder almost killed me.

If I submit in the future it will be a visual artwork which wouldn’t require revision.

Submission #5 – Cut, Torn & Mended

Venue: Spilt Milk Gallery (Edinburgh, Scotland)

Cost to Submit: Free to Members

Cut, Torn & Mended was an open call for members of Spilt Milk Gallery including a virtual exhibition and printed zine. I submitted my bricolage, The Mental Load, which I created as a self regulation process after publishing my first book.

The Mental Load / 2023 / broken toys, detritus of motherhood / 28” x 25” x 8”

Takeaway: Virtual exhibitions are perfect for large or heavy works that are hard to mail.

There’s no way I could afford to ship this piece due to it’s size and fragility so a virtual exhibit & zine was a perfect fit.

View the virtual exhibition or purchase a copy of the Cut, Torn & Mended zine here.

Submission #6 – Anthropology of Motherhood

Venue: Three Rivers Art Festival (Pittsburgh, PA)

Cost to Submit: FREE

Anthropology of Motherhood Culture of Care was curated by Amy Bowman-McElhone, PhD and has traveled from Pittsburgh Three Rivers Art Festival to Dyer Art Center at National Institute for the Deaf.

This is also the only exhibition I participated in that had funding to pay the artists.

Experience this work in 360 with the YouTube app.

The work that was originally submitted was my 360 VR piece From Where I Stand. Once we started talking about the logistics of the VR headset the curators asked to show My Brain on Motherhood instead. It felt like a double acceptance because they considered both works worthy of exhibition.

I also learned that this work was not the physical object itself, but the video. This makes sense in retrospect, but wasn’t obvious to me until they asked to exhibit the video. I changed the details in my portfolio to list this as a video piece.

Takeaway: Video works are low cost. They don’t require framing or postage and are always “ready to hang” if a screen is available.

I have a few other video WIPs I need to finish up and get into my portfolio. I’m also keeping an old iPad to display works as needed.

Submission #7 – WoT Idol

Venue: The Dusty Wheel, YouTube

Cost to Submit: FREE

This one was just for fun.

Every submission was aired, but for me this submission was about putting myself out there and doing something for myself outside of my “professional” portfolio.

If you’re new around here I’m passionately dedicated to the Wheel of Time and have recently reconnected to the community. Last April I submitted a WoT Idol parody video turning Wheel of Time characters into Sesame Street style puppets. I wrote about the experience here:

Submission #8 – Spilt Milk Member Exhibition

Venue: Spilt Milk Gallery (Edinburgh, Scotland)

Cost to Submit: Free to Members

Do you hear us… are you listening? was “curated through an open submission to members, without a defined theme, nor a selection process. All members were invited to have their work included. The process of removing the selection committee allowed for a more democratic way of exhibiting our artists’ works, free of judgement or censoring and for all voices to be heard with equal importance.”

For this exhibition, members were invited to submit two works, and I submitted Meltdown and Meltdown Prevention. It felt like a nice opportunity to exhibit these works together and both were included.

If you’d like to see this exhibition it is archived here.

Takeaway: Exhibitions and open calls can come in many forms.

The way Spilt Milk Gallery includes both curated and member exhibitions is a big inspiration in how I’ve decided to structureNeurokind.

Submission #9 – Euphoria Quilt Project

Venue: Instagram

Cost to Submit: FREE

When I saw this project by

Euphoria Quilt Project I knew I wanted to submit a block, but I didn’t know if I had time to make one. Eventually I realized I could utilize the crazy quilting skills I’d developed while making my gleeman’s cloak and I made a quilt square from textured scraps.

This piece will be included in a quilt representing gender expansive joy organized by Eliot Anderberg. You can see some of the squares that have been submitted over on Instagram.

I wrote the following about my square, “Embracing into my neuroqueer and nonbinary gender identity means leaning into the fact that I may appear eccentric. I explored that in this project by using the “wrong” side of several fabrics and improvising a “crazy quilted” design. Gender expression is also tied up in sensory experience for me so I also included some soft stimmy textures.”

If you’re new here and didn’t know I was nonbinary maybe give this a read…

Submission #10 – HNDL Magazine

Venue: Instagram

Cost to Submit: FREE

HNDL stands for Highlighted Neurodivergent & Disabled Life and is a “magazine featuring the work of creatives who identify as neurodivergent, disabled &/or chronically ill”. Give them a follow over on Instagram.

My piece Domestic Archaeology was included in HNDL Issue 2 (Fall 2023).

Domestic Archaeology / 2023 / lost items

This was a piece I created with things we found under the couch. I wrote a bit about the process here.

Takeaway: Virtual publications are a very accessible way to share work without printing and framing.

I’m also noticing how this magazine has flexible deadlines which inspired the rolling deadline I implemented over at Neurokind.

Submission #11 – Queer Anxiety

Venue: All Street Gallery (New York City, NY)

Cost to Submit: FREE

After such a wild run of acceptance I was sure that this one was going to be my first rejection of the year. You’ll notice this is the second work I submitted to a queer space. I’m a baby queer – only openly identifying as nonbinary, ace, and neuroqueer as of last year. So I felt some imposter syndrome stepping into these communitites, but I’ve been embraced into these spaces with open arms.

There’s something about exhibiting in NYC that feels like a right of passage. Even when I was packing up my work to mail it didn’t feel real. Luckily I had some friends who visited the exhibit on my behalf and documented that it was. (Thanks to everyone who sent me photographs and videos. You can see my work in situ here.)

Meltdown / 2023 / shirt & clothing tags / 16” x 20”

QUEER ANXIETIES was curated by Blair Simmons, Eden Chinn, Sarah Hallacher, and Shuang Cai.

“Through sculpture, the 13 exhibiting artists make objects that stand outside of normative interpretations of usefulness and conventionality, thereby expanding our worldview and possibilities for engagement. If queerness is an act of making things strange (or challenging norms), strangeness identifies potential points of rupture within social conditioning.”

Takeaway: Submit the maximum amount of works possible (if you can.)

I actually created a new piece specifically for this call, but when I saw that there was the opportunity to submit 3 works I also included Meltdown and Unravel. It’s always nice to give the curator choices.

Some people have asked how I know about opens calls.

The truth is by serendipity.

Over the years I’ve connected with a variety of artists with similar overlapping interests. Many of them generously share opportunities (often on Instagram stories) which spark my interest.

Huge shoutout to these lovelies who often share art exhibitions and residencies:

Jocelyn Mathewes, Lauren Frances Evans, Catherine Reinhart, and Ashley Jane Lewis.

And Tamzen Bryant who shared the local book festival.

I’ve also really loved being a member of Spilt Milk Gallery who hosted 2 of these exhibits.

I hope I’ve demystified the process and inspired you to submit your work.

I wish you the best in making work and putting it out into the world. The next one I’m working on is a piece about roots for Motherlore Magazine. And if you’re neurodivergent I’d love to see your work submitted to Neurokind.

It’s not scary. We’re all people making things happen.

Cheers,

P.S. I’m rubbish at marketing, and this has been on my “to do” list for over a year. But I finally made a new footer to remind people I wrote a book / have courses / love comments. 🥰

I’m a Renaissance Soul so I always have lots of irons in the fire. Here are just a few of the ways that we can connect. (Psst… comments and shares are my favorite. And they’re free!)
1. Leave a comment!
2. Share this post.
3. Sign up for Self Publishing 101.
4. Subscribe or submit work to Neurokind.
5. Read my book Discover Your Creative Ecosystem (Curious what I mean by creative ecosystem? Start here.)
Footnotes

* We don’t have white walls in our house so I purchased a large sheet of white hardboard from the hardware store. There is a small hole drilled that lines up with a nail in Davy’s nursery where I often hang works to photograph them. I also have a smaller board I can set up on an easel and photograph in the backyard. Light is almost always the problem so I tend to use a tripod for portfolio photos even though I hate them. I also have a small white IKEA table I use to photograph 3D works. Here’s a peek at my set up. It’s a relatively inexpensive solution. If your work is small and lightweight you could probably get away with a piece of foamcore and a pin stuck in, but my larger works have needed a nail to hang from.

† (That’s Odo from Star Trek Deep Space Nine.) It took a lot out of me.
Read more: From the kitchen table to NYC 🗽
September 28, 2023

Please stop calling yourself an HSP. 😫
Hyper sensitivity is real, but the term HSP dehumanizes autistic people.

…

Ok, deep breath.

…

I needed to pull you in with the title, but that may have flared up your nervous system. Let’s start over.

I’m mindful that I’m addressing sensitive humans.

You might find it hard to change your mind because it means admitting that you’re wrong. I get it.

I’ve felt that way too.

We’re all imperfect humans trying to understand the world around us. Let me be clear that I’m not saying anyone is a bad person.

But I am asking you to stop doing something that is hurting me, and I hope you’ll listen. My heart is beating like crazy while I type this, but HSP is trending and it’s only getting more popular.

I don’t think the sensitive souls using it realize how much pain it is causing autistics like myself.

I’m asking you to open yourself to the possibility that you might be using a term you do not fully understand.

Did you know the term HSP is based on the book “Highly Sensitive Person” by Elaine Aron?

I want to be clear that my issue with HSP is rooted in Aron’s writings. (She coined the term.) I have no doubt that you are highly sensitive and that your body processes sensory input in an intense way. I also remember the relief at realizing that truth for myself and reframing my sensitivity as a difference and not a character flaw.

The term “highly sensitive person” sounds universal and harmlesss. But unfortunately HSP carries a lot of baggage and pain for any autistic person familiar with this book.

Here is a direct quote from Aron concerning autistic people,

“Their problem seems to be a difficulty recognizing where to focus attention and what to ignore.

When speaking with someone, they may find the person’s face no more important to look at than the pattern on the floor or the type of lightbulbs in the room.

Naturally they can complain intensely about being overwhelmed by stimulation… but in social situations, especially they more often notice something irrelevant, whereas HSPs would be paying more attention to subtle facial expressions, at least when not overaroused.”

This passage alone expresses a deeply ill informed and outdated conception of autism. This is unsurprising because the book was first published in 1996 … long before the neurodiversity movement.

Aron’s views toward autistics are harmful and blatantly inaccurate.
- Many autistics are acutely aware of facial expressions and may even be hyper empathic. *
- It is a myth that all autistic people struggle with eye contact. †
- When autistic people do struggle with eye contact one of the main causes is sensory overload. ‡
- It is dehumanizing to judge what the autistic person is looking at or noticing as irrelevant. (Yes, we do notice small details sometimes! But it doesn’t mean we aren’t listening if we aren’t reacting the way you expect.)
This book was published in 1996. It is outdated and should go out of print.

Before we go any further it’s really important to start with this:

If you’ve met one autistic person you’ve met one autistic person.

If you know someone who is autistic you may think that you understand autism, but we are each incredibly unique.

One person may love loud music the other might cover their ears.

One kid plays elbow deep in mud the other can’t bear to touch it.

One person loves running into the ocean the other can’t shower because they hate feeling water on their face.

No single person has every autistic trait.

This is why we say autism is a spectrum.

Imagine it like a color wheel.

Each color is a different intensity of a certain autistic trait.

If you identify as HSP you may not identify fully with autism at this time.

That is okay.

You could always call yourself “highly sensitive” or “hyper sensitive” or even just “sensitive.”

But it’s not okay to call yourself an HSP when the term perpetuates harmful stereotypes against autism.

I read the HSP book long ago, when I thought I myself might be an HSP and not autistic. So I know the main premise of the book is that your sensitivity is a difference and not a disorder.

I agree!

And guess what?

It’s no longer the 90’s, and there is better language for that.

Neurodiversity

What is neurodiversity?

“‘Neurodiversity’ is a term that suggests the human race is improved by having a diversity of different kinds of brains – like biodiversity in nature, having lots of different brains in a society means we have people with different strengths who can work together.” §

If you experience more sensitivity than the average person you are… neurodivergent.

It’s that simple.

If you identify as highly sensitive you are welcome and invited to identify as neurodivergent.

No diagnosis necessary.

But… you might also be autistic.

Sensory differences are central to the autistic experience.

Many of us believe that our sensory differences are the root cause of all other differences.

Just look at these two brains.

It is clear that the autistic brain (left) is processing much more sensory input than the brain on the right (neurotypical.) Differences in sensory integration may be directly related to language differences, social differences, etc.

There are also so many autistic strengths that are never mentioned! All of that extra information that our brain doesn’t filter out as “unnecessary” makes us excel at pattern recognition and problem solving. Autistic brains notice and make connections that neurotypical don’t even perceive.

But you may not realize this because even the professionals can’t all agree on what adult autism looks like.

Did you know that there isn’t a fixed diagnostic criteria for autism in adults?

They are using a test that was developed for kids and the whole process needs to be reformed. New research is slowly coming in that validates unstereotypical autistic experience.

The field of autism is in flux.

Early autism research was limited to aggressive nonspeaking white boys for a long time and only recently has the field begun to realize the variety of presentations autism can take. **

If you identify as hyper sensitive I’d really encourage you to follow some autistic adults to learn more about the autistic experience and to do some more research on “masked autism”.

Whatever you do I ask that you don’t think of autistic people as “less than” and see more of a kinship in our hypersensitive (or hyposensitive) experiences.

Not sure where to start?

Read my “What is autism?” post.

Visit my library of neurodiversity affirming resources for podcasts, videos, books & more.

Or subscribe for monthly-ish emails from me. I share my own lived experience and often write about creativity and neurodivergence.

As an autistic mum of an autistic kid this topic is close to my heart.

Right now I’m working on a picture book about sensory processing with autistic artist Gracie Klumpp. If you’d like to support the project you can preoder a copy (or donate one to a school or library) here.

FOOTNOTES

* Why so many women don’t know they’re autistic with Katherine May. Glennon Doyle’s We Can Do Hard Things Episode 220.

† Fact or fiction: people with autism never make eye contact. https://www.universiteitleiden.nl/en/news/2023/03/fact-or-fiction-people-with-autism-never-make-eye-contact

‡ How do adults and teens with self-declared Autism Spectrum Disorder experience eye contact? A qualitative analysis of first-hand accounts https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5705114/

§ Autism Resource Page https://katherine-may.co.uk/autism-resource-page

** Gender Differences in Misdiagnosis and Delayed Diagnosis among Adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder

Racial/Ethnic Disparities in the Identification of Children With Autism Spectrum Disorders

Image Credits

Birds Flying: Bernard Hermant via Unsplash

Illustration by @autistic_sketches on Instagram

Brain Scan images via Schneider Lab
Read more: Please stop calling yourself an HSP. 😫
August 15, 2023

The Value of Creative Joy

And rediscovering The Wheel of Time 🐉

Today I want to talk about creative joy.

Reconnecting to The Wheel of Time has reminded me what creativity felt like before it got all tangled up in career and profession and entrepreneurship.

For the last decade my creative energy has been focused outwards.

Everything I did became fodder for “content” on Instagram, YouTube, or (eventually) Substack.

I love documenting the process, but the frame of creative business definitely impacted the types of things I chose to make and spend my time on. This was particularly tangled up in “positioning” myself as a professional artist & author.

Certain parts of my identity got lost along the way. I’m in the process of untangling it all which I wrote about a few months ago: I’m not a brand. I’m a human. 🫀

What I didn’t share then is that rediscovering my humanity was largely tied up in a book series called The Wheel of Time.

14 Blue Wheel of Time Books (image credit: Juniper Books)

During my teenage years I had basically no friends my own age. What I did have was The Wheel of Time. I logged in to a fansite called Wotmania every morning and later on a fan fiction site called Silklatern. The interactions I had with other fans was the one place that I really “fit in”.

Navigating two degrees as an undiagnosed autistic took pretty much all of my social energy. During that time I completely lost touch with fandom and reading for fun. By the time I finished my postgraduate studies I’d pretty much forgotten what it felt like to get lost in a book.

Enter 2020. I had a one year old baby. The world was chaos. And I turned to… The Wheel of Time. I pulled the Eye of the World off my shelf and fell into a world of magic that I knew and loved. The characters were old friends and the story was comforting in its familiarity, but that wasn’t all.

Rereading the books awakened something in me.

A creative spark. It is no coincidence that these are the books I was reading when I starting writing my first book, Discover Your Creative Ecosystem.

The writing of Robert Jordan just has this effect on me. I love other authors and other books, but the Wheel of Time is etched into my bones.

Myself in a multi colored patchwork gleeman’s cloak at WotCon 2023. Thanks to the volunteer photographers at WotCon for this shot.

It’s hard to explain. It’s… ineffable.

But there must be some kind of soul connection to something in this story for me. Why do we love the stories we love? It’s something I’m really curious about. It always feels flat and superficial when I try to explain.

The Wheel of Time has always inspired me to create. I high school I filled notebooks and notebooks with world building. I made sketches of costumes and drafted stories and put myself to sleep imagining characters in worlds of my own.

I gave up writing somewhere along the way, but after self publishing my first book I’ve also started writing fiction again. I’ve been working on a fantasy story that I’d like to tell for the last two NaNoWriMo’s and I’m ready to start working on it year round.

Meanwhile I have felt the ta’veren tug (if you know you know) pulling me deeper and deeper into WoT fandom community.

It’s becoming an important part of my life so you can probably expect to hear more about it here.

It all started in March when I created a muppet style puppet for a song parody contest… an in world version of These are the People in Your Neighborhood. The first project I’ve done purely for creative joy in YEARS. 🤯

Fluffy purple Ogier puppet with large ping pong ball eyes, a wide purple nose, and tufted ears. Ogier are book loving creative souls and I feel a deep kinship with them.

This was in no way for my portfolio, content marketing, or even something for my family. It was a gift for the Wheel of Time community and complete joy to make.

I really loved the challenge of creating in a brand new medium (I’d never made a puppet before) and figuring it out through trial and error. I drew on various creative skills in a way I haven’t done since working on set and props during my undergraduate degree.

Almost immediately after finishing it I jumped into another project. A gleeman’s cloak.

Something I noticed about making something for me was that I didn’t have to fuss over setting up a camera to film or creating perfect process photos.

I wasn’t making this for DIY content. I was making it for me.

Because of this I worked for many hours at the kitchen table (much less photogenic than my studio) simply because I could cut squares or I could sew while Davy role played as Link from Zelda.

I wrote a bit about that here.

Multicolored and textured patches for my cloak. These are 209 out of 350 patches required.

I sat down to write about the cloak itself today, but instead I found myself wanting to share the story behind how it came to be.

The shift that opened up “time” for something like this. News flash: I didn’t actually have more time. I just used my time differently. I spent a similar amount of time last summer making this.

And the value I’m finding in creative joy.

Let’s discuss.

What would you make if you had a dedicated period of time where you couldn’t do anything productive and had to let yourself play?

Where do you find creative joy?

Cheers,

Read more: The Value of Creative Joy
April 27, 2023

How I Survived My First Author Event
Last week I attended NWA Book Fest… my first appearance as an author. Indeed my first gathering of any kind since COVID times. I wanted to take some time to share about that experience.

I’m attempting a bit of writing today while Davy “types” on his new keyboard and iPad app.

I was so busy the week before I didn’t have any time to be nervous. I practiced my reading a time or two, installed the Square Up app to take credit card payments, and put my books in a box.

There was a little bit of scheduling confusion and the event was running early so I was rushed right onto stage within minutes of showing up.

(Not ideal for an autistic. I’m not gonna lie.)

I also expected to be introduced and had only prepared for a reading. Somehow I managed to introduce myself and my book without rehearsal. I think its down to how often I have talked about my book online. Maybe it does get easier with practice. I wouldn’t say I’m captivating, but I did it.

Right after my reading I had a group of blogger friends show up to hear me. They just missed me because of the schedule kerfuffle, but we took a photo anyway.

Then I did a short signing and sold 4 books. 🥳

(Shout out to my friend Lori Lynn who served as my “emotional support extrovert” and helped me make small talk at my signing table.)

It was really nice to see people respond to my book in real time. One woman immediately connected my book to The Artist’s Way which completely made my day. So thankful to everyone who dropped by to take a look.

Some lessons I learned and will be adding to my self publishing course:
- Print a QR code to purchase the ebook. (My hardcover is a deluxe edition and more people might have purchased the digital bundle at a lower price point.)
- Print my Venmo code. (Spelling it out did not seem to work.)
- Have something to hold business cards / stickers so they don’t blow away.
- Probably bring a book holder as well. The books kept tumbling off the table and one or two may be damaged.
Here is actual footage of me after the event. 😂

(That’s Odo from Star Trek Deep Space Nine.)

It took a lot out of me.

I realized that this simple brief appearance pushed me to the edge of my capacity and I definitely should NOT sign up for longer events any time soon. (After two hours I felt the way I normally do after a whole convention. )

I believe this is due to…
- More sensory overload on a daily basis from parenting.
- Diminished social capacity due to socializing with my toddler 24/7. (I’m just going to call him toddler till he turns 4, ok?)
- Not going to any events for 3-4 years during early motherhood / COVID times. I am both out of practice at masking and have no desire to return to that level of social performance.
Not only am I “re-entering” the world after COVID lockdowns, but I’m also learning how I want to show up as an autistic human. What does it mean to attend events without pressuring myself to mask (performing excitement, facial expressions, small talk, etc.)?

Even so I was pretty wiped out afterwards. Here is how I reset the next day:
- Time alone in the studio. I laid on the daybed and watched Netflix for an hour and then made a collage.
- Time with Davy in the backyard.
- A long walk with a podcast.
- Reading in the bath.
- Playing Cozy Grove with Davy. (More on that below.)
I’m still pretty tired, but I feel more or less human again. If I hadn’t been able to take that time I would have stayed in a perpetually burned out / shut down kind of state.

I still struggle with taking time for myself as a parent, but when I do I am reminded of how powerful and restorative it can be.

Of shoes & ships & sealing wax

Other bits & bobs to recommend this week.

Play

First off, I have rediscovered Cozy Grove. I played this a couple of years ago on my phone, but we just purchased it for the Nintendo Switch and I have been playing with Davy.

It’s a really cute and relaxing game.

You’re a scout marooned on an island haunted by (cute) bear ghosts. You run around the island finding things for them and helping them restore their memories. You can also fish and bake and craft and garden. The music and artistic style sets such an atmosphere. Have a peek.

I’ve heard it’s kind of like Animal Crossing, but in my opinion is cuter and more fun. (I tried Animal Crossing after finishing this game the first time and didn’t connect with it.) If you’re a casual gamer and just looking for a way to relax would really recommend Cozy Grove. 🥰

Read

The blog post of the week for me was How to Be a Good Assistant to Yourself by Austin Kleon.

Muse

This post by @worry__lines on Instagram is really good food for thought.

TOO Many Tabs

I’ve invented this section as inspiration to browse and close the tabs I keep open on Safari. I am always dangerously close to the 500 tab limit. Hopefully these creative breadcrumbs offer some inspiration.

Illustration

I absolutely love this 1970’s edition of The Sword in the Stone illustrated by Alan Lee. Merlin’s cottage has always been evocative for me and this is just how I’ve imagined it.

I made this discovery while looking for images of my teacher muses for home educating. A few weeks later I bought a copy from ABE Books so I really don’t need this tab open anymore.

Word Nerd

Etaoin shrdlu was used as a “red flag by typesetters to show an error in text, but sometimes it was overlooked and made it into print.” It is the approximate order of frequency of the 12 most commonly used letters in the English language.” via The Dusty Wheel

—

Wait, this is real?

This tab was open because I saw this butterfly on Instagram and didn’t believe it was real. Fact check!

It is indeed an orange oak leaf. Perfectly camouflaged on the outside with brilliant colorful wings when open.

Well that was effective! Maybe I’ll do this again. What do you think?

Thanks for reading!

I’d love to hear what you connected with and have a chat in comments.

Cheers,
Read more: How I Survived My First Author Event
March 10, 2023

Making 360 VR with a 3 year old collaborator ✨
Hullo all,

I’m playing with the structure a bit here. Trying out categories rather than themed emails. I’m also bringing back some old themes long time supporters may recognize.

Let me know what you think.

I haven’t had much studio time this month unless you count making Number Block counting beads with Davy and the 3 hour masterclass I took from Amie McNee & Jimmy Winestock.

A peek into my creative process and an update on my collection, This is my Brain on Motherhood.

This week I’m sharing a sneak peek at a 360 VR piece I made in December. It’s taken a while to work out how to share this online.

UNRAVEL

2023 / VR 360

An immersive experience demonstrating my internal experience of motherhood.

As an autistic parent my brain does not prune synaptic pathways. This means to process information I often have to unravel a tangle of connected thoughts among sensory input, memories, and connections most people would overlook.

There are two ways to experience this work.
- If you have the YouTube app you can experience this work in VR here. Just moving your phone to look around. Please select HD by tapping the cog or it will load super blurry. 🫣
- Don’t have the YouTube app? Here’s a simulation of how it looks in 3D.
- Or you browse still photographs here.
Curious about the process? Here’s a timelapse.

This piece was inspired by a piece of writing by Hayley Dunlop which reminded me of doing this as a child. It was purely creative play at the time. I later revisited this process in directing class when I was asked to “completely transform the space.”

Hayley’s writing connected this memory to neurodivergent thought patterns which immediately made me want to create this with Davy.

Working alongside him added all sorts of layers – both layers of meaning – and literal pools of knots (which were never part of my previous efforts.) 😂

Other bits and bobs I’d like to recommend this week.
- Katherine May’s podcast How We Live Now with Priya Parker – This is a chat about gathering well and drawing the lines we need around different social events and communities. I couldn’t have listened to this as a better time as I had been struggling with the Code of Conduct for my membership program and this gave me all the confidence to go with my gut. I’ve also ordered Priya’s book (affiliate link) which happens to have a gorgeous watercolor cover.
- We’ve subscribed to the newspaper for the first time ever and I loved this article about artist Thaddeus Mosley.
- Waiting for a quiet moment to enjoy this studio tour…
I also admired these shadows.

Minor updates March 2025 to correct links and images.
Read more: Making 360 VR with a 3 year old collaborator ✨
December 16, 2022

How it Feels to Be Time Blind ⏳
Growing up I had no idea I was time blind.

But I was already establishing coping mechanisms. Because I had no internal chronometer to distinguish between 5 minutes and 50 I would prepare for every outing far far in advance and find myself in a state of limbo unable to do anything but wait.

This is effective, but is also a black hole for both energy and time.

People with time blindness tend to be chronically early or chronically late.

It’s funny that the same internal experience can result in two such seemingly different behaviors, but it makes sense. One approach to time is a rigid controlled white knuckling. A hyperfocus that saps both time and energy from your life. The other holds on with a looser grip and time slips away.

You might construe the first stereotype as autism and the second as ADHD, but time blindness is an internal experience shared by both.

Now that I’m a mother I simply don’t have bandwidth to white knuckle my way through the day hyperfocusing on time.

I cannot wait in the car for an hour. I do not have an hour to spare.

Not to mention the chaotic element of a small human who has all sorts of urgent needs that can’t always be anticipated.

How do normal people know when to leave the house to arrive somewhere on time?

I never realized I was working SO HARD at something most people find simple.

I was obsessed with planners a few years ago. I never would have described myself as disorganized, but this was down to the fact that I relied on a series of complicated systems to keep track of the most basic things.

Like what day of the week it is. (I’m not kidding.)

When Davy was in his human goat phase I gave planners up. As a result I’ve been flying blind for 3.5 years now. During this time I have learned a few things:

First, go gentle on people who show up late and forget things. They are doing their best.

Second, I really thrive with structure and systems.

It’s impossible to overstate how much having a plan helps me.

Structure frees up my brain for other things in a way that I can only compare to breathing oxygen versus being waterboarded.

I’ve been metaphorically drowning for actual years now.

At first I thought the lesson I was meant to be learning was how to “let go” and embrace fluidity.

There is nothing less helpful you could suggest to a human whose brain needs structure.

The last few months I have been experimenting with themed days. With one focus per day my nervous system has improved dramatically. It also seems to help Davy. (We are both the type of neurodivergent who likes to know what’s coming.)

But we all need different things.

If your brain needs freedom embrace that. Don’t let people shame you and push you into a rigid structure if that doesn’t work for you.

When we’re forced to work in ways that run counter to our neurotype it’s important to recognize this is legitimately difficult for us.

Life seems determined to deal out changed plans, external deadlines, and an ungodly amount of urgent paperwork.

When this happens we should treat ourself like we’re doing something really hard (because we are.)

Without a plan my brain feels like it is on high alert all the time just trying to get through the day. Imagine a tennis player bouncing with bent legs ready to sprint in any direction*. That’s how I feel without a plan. It’s exhausting. And I am far more likely to become overstimulated.

*I know nothing about sports. But we were told to stand this way in Improv class and I quit immediately. 😂

When our nervous system is on high alert we can help ourselves by:
- providing sensory support (comfortable clothes, fidgets, movement, regulating environments)
- seeking comfort (a cozy blanket, a favorite book or tv show, a cup of tea)
- asking for help
- finding someone to work alongside us (sometimes this is called “body doubling”)
- rewarding our own efforts (treat yo’self)
I could say more, but I’ve run out of time. 😂😂😂
Read more: How it Feels to Be Time Blind ⏳
May 13, 2022

Celebrating an Autism Diagnosis

I’m an autistic adult and parent of an autistic child. I really recommend framing a diagnosis as a positive milestone and celebrating it as such.

We celebrate the anniversary of our diagnosis’ each year and call this our “Neurotype Day.” *

* Shout out to my friend Hayley Dunlop for coining this.

Read more: Celebrating an Autism Diagnosis
June 9, 2021

Free Sensory Processing Workshop

Read more: Free Sensory Processing Workshop
June 9, 1986

Support Tools for Autism, ADHD & Sensory Processing

I’ve put together some of our favorite support tools for autism & neurodivergence: fidgets, timers, art supplies (art is so beneficial for self regulation), and books.

Self Regulation Tools

The remaining links point toward Amazon for now because it is the most accessible source for most people. Please consider that many autistic and neurodivergent people rely on Amazon for products they need.*

We need to support our own nervous systems so we can make the changes we want to see in the world.

If you prefer to shop elsewhere you are invited to do so. Simply use these product pages as jumping off points to find similar items in indie shops. If you purchase through these links I receive a very tiny referral fee.

FIDGETS & FOCUS TOOLS

calming regulation tools

more

Harkla Sensory Diet Workbook

If you’re new to the idea of sensory regulation this is a great resource. It is geared toward kids, but much of it is also applicable to adults. Our needs don’t disappear – we just get older. (Affiliate Link)

Further Reading

Check out my picture book How it Feels to Me.

Or browse below to shop more of my favorite books about autism, sensory processing, and neurodivergence.

SHOP BOOKS

FOOTNOTES

* Reasons why autistic people rely on Amazon may include: overstimulation when shopping, chronic illness, under-employment, or rural locations where products are simply not available.

Read more: Support Tools for Autism, ADHD & Sensory Processing
June 9, 1986

Autism 101 for Parents
I’m an autistic adult and parent of an autistic child. After years of internalizing my neurodivergent traits as “flaws” my child’s diagnosis changed everything for me. Learning about how autistic brains are wired helped me begin to reframe autistic traits as differences and find ways to better support both of us.

Here is what I wish I’d known about myself growing up.

WHAT IS NEURODIVERGENCE?

What is autism?

What is overstimluation?

SENSORY PROCESSING WORKSHOP

“On the Spectrum”

When we talk about autism or neurodivergence we often mention a spectrum. Sometimes this is misunderstood as a range of intensity from “more” to “less.” But you cannot be “more” or “less” autistic or neurodivergent.

I made a zine to illustrate the complexity and nuance of being “on the spectrum.” You can read it here.

Celebrating Autism

On a personal note, I made this video to celebrate my child’s autism diagnosis and share the news with our family. I really recommend framing a diagnosis of autism or ADHD as a positive milestone and celebrating it as such. We celebrate the anniversary of our diagnosis each year as our Neurotype Day.*

High Masking

It’s really important that parents consider whether they might be neurodivergent themselves. Autism and other types of neurodivergence are genetic. If you child is on the spectrum there is high chance one or both parents are also.

Even if you don’t have enough traits for a diagnosis recognizing and supporting your neurodivergent traits is really critical.

Please stop calling yourself an HSP. 😫

Neurodiversity Affirming Professionals

Here are some therapists I have enjoyed learning from.
- Andi Putt (for autism and speech therapy content)
- Alexandria Zachos (for delayed speech and gestalt language processing)
- The Autism Handbook (invaluable for communicating to teachers)
- The Meaningful Speech Course (a neurodiversity affirming approach to speech therapy)
Neurodiversity Affirming Education

Daniella (@autism.conmigo) is an Autistic + ADHD parent of 2 autistic kids with a doctorate degree in education. She offers 1:1 support and consultations.

I’ve worked with Daniella personally and highly recommend her for support home educating or advocating for your kids within traditional schools.

Support Tools & Further Reading

Click here for links to my favorite fidgets, sensory reset tools, and books.

How it Feels to Me

You may also be interested my picture book, How it Feels to Me – an introduction to sensory processing for readers of all ages.

Return to the

Neurodiversity Affirming Resource Library

FOOTNOTES

* Shout out to my friend Hayley Dunlop for coining this.
Read more: Autism 101 for Parents